(But I know you guys will take a peek!)
I was meant to be loved, not understood!
If a man is alone in the forest, and there's no one there to hear him speak, is he still wrong?
If woman's work is never done; why start?
If we are what we eat...I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
If we put a man on the moon--we should be able to put them all up there.
I'm a lot of trouble, but I'm worth it.
I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch, and that's MISS BITCH to you!
I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now!
Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
A man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. (Phyllis Diller)
They called it PMS because the name Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
They say love hides behind every corner, then I must be going round in circles.
Things I need to do today: Find 'THE LIST'!
Today is International Very Good Looking Damn Smart Woman's Day. Forward this message to everyone who fits this description.
Do not send it back to me as I have already received it over 50,000 times and my in-box is full!

The Silent Treatment

A couple were having problems and were giving each other the 'silent treatment'. Then the man realized he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning drive to a golf match.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am."
The next morning, he woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends would have left without him. Furious, he was about to go see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 am. Wake up."

Ways to Tell That You Have 'Estrogen Issues'

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.
You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
You're counting down the days until menopause.
You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.