Well, ah'm back frum that thar Mexico. Ah duhcided ah'd better git back home fore that thar gasuhleen gits any higher. Muh little red impala jest luvs that thar gasuhleen.

Them people down thar can't quite figur out why this here gasoline is so high. Ther gasuhleen costs bout 2.30 a gallun cause thar guvment subsidizes thu jobbers tuh keep thu cost down. Now, ah wondur why are guvment nevre thout uh somthin lake that?

Well, uhnuff uh that. Has eneebudy seen thu lateust People Maguhzeen? Mah goodnees! That thar Mario Lopez is thu centrefold nakud as uh jaybird, now!

Ah was plum shocked, but ah forced mahself tuh look, yes ah did! Ah don't rightly ruhcall People Maguhzeen havin' centrefolds afore; but ladies, ahm uh tellin' yu that thar it wuz--Mario sprawled cross two pages on a bearskin rug in all hiz glory!!

Corse, his hand hid thu most interestin' part, but then thar wuz five more pages uf him scantuhly clad, tuh say thu least. That thar boy is a hunk, now!

Ah'm fraid me 'n Jimmy Carter is geelty uf thu same sin--yuh no--adultreey in thu hart!! Ah tryed tuh look somwhar elst, but muh eyes jest kept uh driftin' South!

Ah'm gona' hav tuh pray x'tree hard tuhnight, yes siree, ah
am!