Profile
Photos
Comments
have written on this subject before; but today it is on my mind again.Â
I suppose it is because Mother's Day is rapidly approaching.
My
mother has always be a strong-willed woman who expected more from me
than I could ever give to any one person. From the time I was a small
girl, she managed to make me feel I was a disappointment. She always
let me know in subtle ways that I just was never quite what she hoped I
would be.
Consequently,
I became an over-achiever, trying to please her by making stellar
grades in school, by being an outstanding athlete, by being a leader in
groups, and by making myself into a model child.
However,
the more I did, it seemed the more she expected; and the subtle
"put-downs" became less than subtle as I moved into adulthood.
If
I said "No" when she demanded something of me, I was "ungrateful", and
I would live to regret it. If I said "Yes," she expected me to say
"Yes" every time she called and wanted something.
She
never wanted to babysit my children so that I could have a free
evening. Once when I asked her to watch the girls, she said, "All
right! But I want you to know I raised my children, and I don't intend
to raise yours."Â I never asked her again to watch the girls.
She
could say the cruelest things to me. Another time, when my daughter
and grandson were living in Texas, she and I went to visit them.Â
Grandson was only about three at the time. They had lived in Oklahoma
prior to that, and I had seen him nearly every day. He was my only
grandchild at the time, and I was extremely attached to him. I missed
him terribly when they moved to Texas.Â
When
we left, I had tears in my eyes. Mother looked at me and said, "He's
not yours and you can't have him, so just get over it."
I could never understand why she would make such cruel statements as that to me.
One
of my aunts told my daughter recently that she wished I would visit
Mother more now that she is in a nursing home. "But I understand why
she doesn't," my aunt said, "given the way her mother has always
treated her."
I love my mother; but, to be perfectly honest, I don't like her very much.
Â