Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God" said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay"
****************
A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful" he said, " careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my God!
Where are we going to get some more butter? They are
going to stick! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? have you lost your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT"
The wife stared at him. " What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of
eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, " I wanted th show you what
it feels like when I'm driving."
*****************
Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a north Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the army. On his first
day in basic training, the army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the army barber shaved off all his hair.
On the second day, the army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon, the army dentist yanked seven of his
teeth.&nbp; On the third day, the army issued him a
jock strap. The army has been looking for Herman for
51 years.