Ever eat dog food?

I have.

Well, not dog food, per se, but dog treats. I mean, I never cracked open a can of Alpo beef slices and chowed down on the contents. (Although I hear that some folks have been reduced to that, and, to be honest, the nutrition contained in one of those cans exceeds the nutrition taken in daily by some people living in this country and in third world countries.  Seriously.)

Milk Bone Dog Biscuits.

I ate Milk Bones once as a kid. Just to see what they were like. And, actually, except for being a bit dry and bland-tasting, they weren’t bad. Really.

Usually, before eating ANY processed food for the first time,  I read the label for such things as the amount of carbohydrates, sodium, fats and calories. I love life, and I want to extend it as long as I possibly can. So I pay very careful attention to what kind of fuel I am feeding it.

The same is true with my animals. I have eight animals that I love.  There are three horses, one pony, two dogs and two cats. They love me also, and they rely on me to feed them healthy foods. So I read the labels on all the foods, grains, supplements and treats that I feed them also.

However, sometimes what the label DOESN’T tell you is just as important as what it DOES tell you.

Let me give you an example. I buy bags of dried chicken strips to give to dogs and cats as treats. Right on the bag it says that the things are 100% chicken. Nothing added. The list of ingredients has one item on it – chicken.

The things look and smell delicious, and they remind me of chicken jerky. So the other day, I pulled one of the bag, and I ate it! It absolutely delicious! I was amazed at the amount of smokey, chicken-y flavor that exploded in my mouth as I bit down on the dried strip of meat with a satisfying crunch! 

Mary Ellen caught me as I reached into the bag, pulled out another chicken strip and began chomping on it also. She was horrified and asked me what I was doing.

I told her, and then I handed her the bag and said, “Relax! It’s 100% chicken! Says so right here! And they're really good!”

She grabbed the bag out of my hands, studied it for a moment, and then looked back at me as I was happily munching and said, “It says 100% chicken. It doesn’t say what part of the chicken! For God’s sakes, Jim! You could be eating chicken assholes for all you know!”

Never thought of that!

Suddenly, the meat in my mouth didn’t taste so good. All of the flavor seemed to instantly drain out of the thing, and it turned putrid right there on my tongue! As I felt myself beginning to wretch, I suddenly bolted to the garbage pail and spit the thing out of my mouth with the velocity of a Tomahawk missile.

As then, as I stood there looking down at the chicken strip sitting their amidst the banana peels and coffee grinds, I thought, “So what? I mean, even if it does come from a more unsavory part of a chicken, that doesn’t mean that it’s not good for you, right?”

Right!

However, be that as it may, I think I'll stick to the free-range roasters in the future, and leave the chicken assholes for Dixie and Fritz, who's tastes are not encumbered by nauseating imaginings or prejudices.

(Sigh!)