I guess the ancient adage about teaching an old dog new tricks is incorrect.  It seems that I learn something new about myself and this little world that I inhabit every single day.

I think the most important thing that I’ve learned lately is something that I have probably known all along, but I have just had the point hammered home to me recently. What I’m about to say is more than likely already well known to you, and you’re going to wonder how I have lived so long without being aware of the simple verities of life.

I have recently become aware that I create my own happiness, my own wellness and my own reality.

You already knew that, right? Well, great. I’m impressed with your inner awareness. But, I’m telling you that it is a freaking revelation to me.

I know that I have absolutely no control over outside forces and how they interact in my life. However, I and I alone control how they affect me and how they impact me. It is all done by mind control and conscious decisions.

Let me give you an example.  Recently, I started car pooling to work with a workmate whom I really like. We decided to car pool because we live within five miles of each other, and the commute is about twenty-five miles.

Now my car pool buddy, we’ll call him “Jeff” (because that’s his real name) is a nice enough guy.  He’s funny, conscientious at work, and a GREAT father and husband. He is an all around great fellow…until he gets behind the wheel of an automobile. Then, he turns into a raving maniac.

I usually get to the commuter parking lot at 6:45 a.m. Jeff usually gets there ten minutes later. Then, we’ve got the twenty-five mile commute together. On days that it is his turn to drive, Jeff, is always stressed and rushed. “We’ve got to get moving! We’re going to be late!!!” He spends the entire trip cursing the drivers in front of him, laying on the horn, giving people the finger and riding people’s bumpers.

What is strange about this is that, on days when it was my turn to drive, I found myself mimicking him. I’d get angry as slow drivers. I’d ride up close behind them and try to stare at them in their mirrors. I’d curse them.

And, you know what? I never changed their speeds or their driving habits. All I managed to do with those actions was elevate my blood pressure.

 Then, I began observing Jeff as he drove, and I decided that I didn’t like the image that he was projecting. Veins stuck out in his neck. His face turned red. He clutched the steering wheel like he was driving in the Indy 500. His swearing and screaming was, for lack of a better word, moronic. I decided that I didn’t want to look like that or put my body through all that stress.

So, I made a conscious effort to relax while driving.  Now, if somebody cut me off.  I tap the brakes. If somebody is driving slowly in front of me, I give him his space and then pass when the safe opportunity presents itself.

You know what? We get to work at the same time, no matter what my attitude is. The only that changes is my attitude and my outlook. If I remain calm, my day seems to go much more smoothly.

The road Jeff and I travel every morning and afternoon is a main artery, although it is only a two-lane street. It has not changed in fifty years. It is a twisty-turny road. There are limited passing zones. There are slowpokes out there. Everybody knows this. There isn’t much that an individual driver can do about that. We cannot change the outside world.

However, there are things that people can do to change their own realities. If Jeff would just show up at the commuter lot five minutes earlier than he usually does, he wouldn’t feel so pressed for time. He chooses to his arrival time, and then he chooses to stress out about it a full half-hour every single morning! (That cannot be healthy.)

I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he insists that he is not stressed, and doesn’t exhibit any “road rage” whatsoever.

He is not going to hear me.

I cannot change another person.

I can only be in charge of myself.

I choose calmness.

Poor Jeff is going to have a stroke before he’s fifty. I just hope that it doesn’t happen while he’s driving.