There are different worlds on this planet that we human beings populate.

 

There is the world of celebrities like Demi Moore. Demi is in her forties, and she has the face of a sixteen year old. When questioned last week, she emphatically denied ever having plastic surgery. So, being the kind-hearted, unassuming person that I am, I will take her at her word. She never went under the knife for a little “nip n’ tuck”. She simply lives in a world that is devoid of all gravity. (How does one walk in such a world?)

In my little world, EVERYTHING ages.

 

Then there is the world of the mega-executives who take control over huge, thriving businesses and proceed to systematically run them into the ground. And, even though these companies go bankrupt, they NEVER go away! EVER! And the brilliant businessmen who caused them to get belly-up, rather than get fired and slink away in disgrace, end up with multi-million dollar bonuses!

In the world that I inhabit, if my business goes bank-o, we close our doors forever, and I’m on the outside looking in.

 

Owners of oriental rug retail stores and furniture retail stores also live in a different world than I do, at least when it comes to what a “sale” is.

When I was a kid, I remember my mother dragging me down to J.C. Penney’s about two weeks before school started up to take advantage of their Back To School Sale. You see, in those days, a sale came along once in a blue moon, and it meant that certain items in the store were being sold at reduced prices for a limited time…for real.

J.C. Penney’s used to have three sales a year that lasted a week each. There was the Back To School Sale, their annual Clearance Sale and something that took place every spring called The White Sale.

That was it; no other sales. And if you a missed a sale by a day or two, you’d walk into the store and find prices had been restored to their original, pre-sale status.

Now-a-days, some stores don’t know what a sale is, because they are ALWAYS having one! So the prices never change! (So, what the hell’s the purpose of having a sale?)

Pilgrim Furniture of Milford has been going out of business for at least three decades. Every week on the TV and radio, there are ads for their Going Out Of Business Sale. “Final days! We’re closing our doors forever! We must sell out to the bare walls! EVERYTHING must go!”

The sale usually lasts for two weeks. We then have a week of quiet. Then, the whole thing starts all over again!

Kaoud Brothers Oriental Rugs has twelve sales a year, it seems. A January Sale, a February Sale, a March Sale… And each one of them lasts about a month.

Go figure.

 

In my world, Walter Cronkite was a more important person than Michael Jackson. And yet, Michael died on June 25. Here it is September 4, and the news media is still a-buzz with Jackson news.

Walter died on July 17^th, and nobody talks about him any more.

 

In my world, childhood was spent climbing trees, riding bikes and playing baseball without any adult supervision or uniforms.

We fell down, got bumps, bruises, cuts and scrapes, got into fist fights, and made up our own games and rules.

Today, kids rarely “play outside”, and when they do, they are:

1. under strict adult supervision,

2. “protected” from the sun (and now, coincidentally, doctors are concerned that our kids are experiencing widespread deficiencies in Vitamins C and D.),

3. “protected” from injuries with an amount of body-armor that would put Sir Galahad to shame,

4. forbidden to climb trees,

and 5. forced to study the rules for every “game” they play, and abide by strict rules of conduct.

 

My wife and I live in different worlds when it comes to money and math. She’ll go out and buy an item in a store. Then she’ll say to me, “I bought a new set of curtains today for the living room. Their price was a hundred and ten dollars, but I had a coupon for twenty dollars off!”

In her mind, she saved us $20.00. To my way of thinking, she just blew $90.00.