I’m doing my damnedest to live forever.

My grandfather died at the age of 67 from heart failure due to uncontrollable diabetes.

My father died at age 70 from an infection that came on from a tracheotomy that was performed while he was in the hospital recovering from his second major heart attack. (This death might have been a blessing in disguise because his cardiologists said that his heart was so weak and so atrophied that he would be wheelchair bound for the rest of his life if he had survived.)

Do you detect a pattern here? Uh-huh, almost males on my father’s side of the family die from heart disease.  ALL of my great uncles, with the accept of one,  on that side died from heart attacks. (My grandfather had six brothers.) All of my father’s brothers have had heart attacks at an early age.

When my father had his first heart attack at the tender age of 49 (and I was 27), it scared me so badly that I made a serious effort to take better care of myself. At the time, I was smoking three packs of cigarettes a day, was about thirty pounds overweight, and did absolutely nothing as far as cardio exercise was concerned.

As I said, I was frightened. I went to a cardiologist who told me that there were four main causes for heart disease. The first one I had no control over – family history. However, all of the rest I could do something about – smoking, improper eating habits and lack of exercise.

Because my family history with heart disease is strong, that is a problem, unless, like Dr. Kristin pointed out, the heart disease was brought on by individuals who smoked, didn’t exercise, and had horrendous diets. (That is the case, at least as far as my grandfather and father were concerned.)

So, I immediately took measures to stop smoking, since THAT is the number one cause of heart disease after family history.

I learned self-hypnosis in order to quit the nasty, stinky, dirty, expensive and life-threatening habit, and now, after smoking three packs a day for over a decade, I haven’t had a cigarette in twenty-seven years.

And, trust me! Nobody was more addicted to cigarettes than me! I loved smoking! And I was so physically addicted to it that I couldn’t sit in a movie theater for two hours without getting up and going out for a smoke.

I would go to bed at night, put the ashtray on my chest, and smoke five or six cigarettes, lighting one off the other, before shutting off my light for the evening. In the morning, I would do the same thing and have five or six cancer sticks before my feet hit the floor.

But I quit. No patch. No gum. No drugs.  Just self-hypnosis. And it worked.

At one point, I couldn’t go twenty minutes without jonesin’ for a smoke. And now, I haven’t had a cigarette since May 5, 1982.  (Well, not quite. About ten years ago, after the closing performance of a show, I was in a bar with a bunch of fellow cast members, and one of them offered me a cigarette. Being just a little inebriated, I took it, smoked half, and felt sick to my stomach. I stubbed the thing out, and then, about an hour later, I bummed another one, and did the same thing.)

After cigarettes, my next goal was to lose weight.

Today, at age fifty-six, I weigh almost sixty pounds less than I did at my high point back when I was smoking. Back then, I tipped the scales at 240 pounds. Today, I top off at somewhere around 180 – 185. (I stand 5”10.)

My next scare was diabetes. Because both my father and paternal had diabetes, and the disease may have contributed to their deaths, Dr. Kristin closely monitors my blood glucose level. About two years ago, the thing spiked over the 125 limit. So, we waited three months, and then I went back and had blood work done again. The results were the same. (A person is considered a diabetic when his/her blood glucose level is over 125 for two or more consecutive readings.)

Dr. Kristin was concerned, so she set up a conference with me where she told me that I could go on medication immediately or I could attempt to regulate my blood glucose by diet and exercise. I opted for the diet and exercise route. So she set up an appointment for me with a nutritionist, and I went to learn all about carbohydrates and how they metabolize into sugar in the blood stream.

Together, the nutritionist and I set up a low-carb diet, to which I strictly adhered. After three months, I went my glucose levels were reduced to a more tolerable level.

The low-carb diet was difficult at first – I LOVE bread and pasta and rice, not to mention sweets. However, I learned that I can still have those things, just in moderation.  Portion sizes also play a big part in my diet.

I pay little attention to calories. I pay almost ALL attention to carbohydrates.

For breakfast, I have a cup of Cheerios and a ½ cup of 2% milk.  I also have about three cups of coffee with enough 2% milk to color it. No sugar.

Lunch is a big salad with some protein in it like chicken or turkey.

I have two snacks during the day. One is a piece fruit. The other is a six oz. of light yogurt with ½ teaspoon of cinnamon mixed in it.

Then, a reasonable dinner.

All pastas, rice and breads are whole grain.

(As far as I’m concerned, beer is free.)

Later in the evening, ice cream (Up to TWO FREAKING CUPS!!!!!)

At the end of the day, I’ve had around 240 gms. of carbs., and I’m STILL losing weight, and my numbers (Triglycerides, cholesterols, and blood sugars are all great.)

I work out five days a week.

I wear a heart monitor (that cost $85.00). Five days a week, I get my heart rate up to 120 – 160 beats per minute for 30 minutes. (Chopping wood, jogging, throwing bales of hay, mucking out stalls, whatever.)

I also have a Bowflex machine in my basement, that I’ve had for about fifteen years. I work out with resistance training for ten minutes a day, five days a week, and I’ve kept with that since I got the thing. (

Having a machine like that in my basement is so much easier than going to a gym. I can workout whenever the need grabs me. I don’t have to pack a gym bag. I don’t have to sign up for machines and wait in line. I don’t have to have other people watching me. I don’t have stylish, spandex work-out clothes. My normal “work-out attire” is loose-fitting blue jeans, a sweatshirt, and sneakers. Hell, I can do it naked if I want.

To me, working out is not a social thing; it is a personal thing.

And the BowFlex is a perfect machine for me because I can exercise every single muscle group in my body on one freaking machine. It is also quiet. So I can work out in the early morning without worrying about bothering Mary Ellen’s sleep.

 Along with the resistance training, I do 100 sit-ups and 50 push-ups a day, five days a week.

This diet and exercise regimen may be a bit unconventional, but Dr. Kristin tells me that it is working. She smiles and says that I am one of her success stories.

(She tells me that she wants to keep me alive so that I can write the great American novel. I’ve told her that I already did that…but nobody wants to publish it.)

Why do I do  this? Like I said, I want to live forever…or as much of Forever as I can get.

And, believe it or not, it’s fun.

The working out makes me feel good. I feel like a slug now when I slough off on it.

No Jenny Craig. No Weight Watchers. No Nutri-System. No paid celebrities hawking expensive, boxed meals that don’t teach you portion control. (So, when you stop buying the cardboard crap, you haven’t learned a thing, you’ve spent a fortune, and you put all the weight back on again less than a year.)

No “Results Not Typical” disclaimers.

No “belly bands” or other dangerous operations.

No lipo-suction.

No gym.

No pilates classes.

No personal trainers.

No spandex.

Just sheer determination.

I’m serious when I say that my life is too good to have it end prematurely.

I love the people and the animals that fill it with love. I love the opportunities that it affords me. I love the adventures that I have. I love my travels. I love skiing and scuba diving and riding my horses and sailing. I love the theatre. I love my wife and my kids. I LOVE playing with my grandchildren. I love my dogs. I love beer. I love The Main Street Pub and all of my partners in crime who hang there and work there.

I LOVE my life, andI want it to last as long as it possibly can.