I don’t know if I could ever get used to life in Florida.  I mean, the weather is fantastic, the fruits and vegetables are incredibly fresh because they don’t have to be flown in from Argentina or somewhere, the beaches are the best in the world, and the people are some of the friendliest folks I have ever met.

But, there are some things that I just cannot get used to.

Flea markets, for example. In Connecticut, we have flea markets, but they are regular-sized flea markets. Maybe a hundred booths or so.

In Florida, flea markets are not worth their salt unless they cover a hundred acres. There are about four thousand booths at each of them, and every booth is selling either sunglasses or cheap watches.

Mary Ellen bought a watch at a nearby flea market.  It was a really elegant and feminine looking thing.  She paid twelve dollars for it.  When the woman in the booth took the money, Mary asked her, “What’s the warranty on it?”

Without missing the beat, the woman deadpanned, “Where are you parked?”

The watch lasted Mary three years. When it finally stopped running, she went back to the same flea market booth and bought another identical watch for another twelve dollars.

Then there is Florida driving. I just can’t get the hang of it.  I keep forgetting to turn the left signal light on when I start the car and leave it clicking away all for the duration of the journey. I’m not sure, but I think you can buy cars in Florida that have the turn signal lever welded into position so that you CAN’T turn the left signal light off.

Going to the movies in Florida is a trip too.  There is no other state in the union where you can go to the movies on a Wednesday afternoon for the two p.m. show and find the megaplex CROWDED! White hair, walkers and wrinkles everywhere you look!

Mary and I went to see two movies in Sarasota over the past two weeks – Defiance with Daniel Craig, which is EXCELLENT, and Gran Torino, which is wonderful if you happen to be a Clint Eastwood fan, which I am.

Both of us got into the movies each time for a grand total of $11.50! Can you believe it? $5.75 each!  The bastards charged me the senior discount! I was angry and mortified, but I managed to keep it hidden, effectively subduing the inner desire to  run back up to the cashier and demand to be charged more!

Finally, what is it with everybody going out to restaurants for dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon? Floriday restaurants are crowded at that time of day with senior citizens eating dinner at “early bird” prices. Hell, I’m still burping lunch at that time of day! I can't eat supper that early! It cuts into my drinking time!

God’s Waiting Room.

Ya gotta love it!