It is cloudy, drizzly, and blah here today. Sort of matches my mood. I'm not sure why I feel this way, perhaps just because.

Ten year old daughter has been up north with her dad since Friday as she has winter break. I do miss her, but not so much because she makes liberal use of the phone and calls me every so often. And I will admit I miss her hugs.

This has been my "single" week, being on my own and pursuing fun for myself. It has gone good so far, and I can't really complain. I went out last Friday night for dancing and drinks, made a new friend on Saturday, and did some shopping Sunday or Monday. My horsey friend and I enjoyed Corona's at a local watering hole Monday evening, and then pizza last night after vigorous work in the barn.

Out here in the boonies we were supposed to get a bit of snow last night but it is gone today as the temps are above freezing. I guess we are to get snow and blowing snow tonight through Thursday night, so tentative plans for going to sing karaoke tonight might be off. Out here (oops...I already referred to the country that way) a little snow and wind and the roads get yucky.

It's quiet in the house and I am alone with my thoughts. There is so much I have been thinking about and just trying to wrap myself around it. I have been thinking seriously about my daughter's and my future, where I would like to be, and what I would like to be doing, as an occupation.

I am reconsidering attending college to become an RN and possibly pursuing other interests I have, in cooking or sign language. At my age, nurses are beginning to retire, and I'm not certain that is the best path for me to take.

I would like to continue living out here in Tuscola County as I love the country, the area, and my horsey friend is so close by. And she is closer than a sister too. I am finally living out here after years of wanting to and I just don't want to leave.

To make this happen I am going to have to get a job or make some more income to provide a quality life for daughter and I and on our own. I made the mistake of entrusting that to others in the past only to be let down and watch what I had mostly disappear. I am open to most any kind of work and will even take part time to get somewhere.

I have been thinking about my personal life and know in my heart of hearts that I am not cut out to be alone the rest of my life and desire to share my life with another. And this is not something you can just "make happen".

I had a little piece of happiness that I hadn't experienced for a long time for a little while this year and without warning the rug was pulled out from under my feet. No explanation, nothing. No contact, no communication. Needless to say, I was was hurt and now I feel I cannot really trust like I want to. It is in my nature to give others the benefit of the doubt, but after this I am finding it hard to do so with those I do not know.

A lot of good things have happened since I left my "comfort zone" in Mount Morris. I am alive once again, and I can feel again. I am moving forward and am motivated to build a life for my daughter and I. I am confident that I will obtain a job, make new friends, and finally enjoy life again.

Perhaps it is just the skies that make me feel so gray and blah today. It could be that I am a little sore from physical activity that I haven't participated in for some time. Horses sure can poop a lot...lol.

I'm going to end this post here. This day is not over and is still full of promise.


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