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Is worrying taking over your life?
I think of myself as a born worrier. I've always worried, ever since I was little. I'd worry about what people at school thought about me, about homework and all sorts of things.
Almost everybody worries. It can be a healthy response to life, preventing us from being reckless, or stimulating us to do our best to take control of a situation. But some people worry a lot more than others, and sometimes to the point where it becomes a problem in itself.
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What is worrying?
It means spending a lot of time thinking about bad things and being preoccupied with negative possibilities. The more you do it, the bigger your worries become. You may even find yourself worrying about all the time you've spent worrying.
Why do we worry?
Worrying has a lot to do with a lack of confidence. Over the years, I've learnt that the less time I give myself to worry, and the quicker I act, the better. Worries are basically fears. Everyone gets scared, but we all handle fear in different ways. Sometimes, it's easier to dwell on a fear than to do something about it, or to accept that there is nothing to be done. Lack of confidence could be to blame. We may not believe that we are capable of taking action or handling a bad situation.
What effects can it have?
Your body reacts chemically to the fear that worrying entails. When you are scared, your body releases adrenalin. This is a result of the 'flight or fight' reflex that evolved to help us to overcome or run away from anything that threatened us physically. Adrenalin affects the digestive system, and can make you feel ill. The more you worry, the worse it gets, and a sudden rush of adrenalin can lead to butterflies in the stomach, a headache, or feeling very sick.
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Sleeping problems
It can become very difficult to get to sleep, because you feel worse at night. While you're trying to drop off to sleep, there's nothing to distract you from the worries that may have been lurking in the background during the day. It's also much easier for thoughts to get out of perspective at night, especially if you are on your own.
Sapping your self-confidence
The more problems you think you have, the less able you may feel to cope with them, and this can increase your sense of helplessness. This reduces your confidence, making you more vulnerable to your fears.
If you lack self-confidence, it may affect how other people relate to you, and how you feel in response. In this way, a negative spiral is set up. Some people experience panic attacks as a result of the build up of these feelings.
A spur to action
Sometimes, our fears make us act, and this can be very positive. Something is niggling at you, and even though you keep trying to ignore it, it keeps bringing itself to your attention.
Worrying about the worst that can happen can also help you to prepare for it, and to deal constructively with whatever eventually takes place.
When to do something
Having the occasional nagging feeling is not the same as feeling worried each and every day. You may have a number of different things on your mind, or one overriding concern that seems to dominate your whole life. At this level, it can make you too anxious to think or act in a useful way. This is when worrying itself has become a problem that needs tackling.
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(Image © Rex Features) |
Confronting your fears
At bottom, there's often a fear of the unknown, and trying to define that fear can help you to overcome it. By facing whatever it is, you may find you know what to do about the situation. You can begin to think about how you might cope with it, what you can do, and who might help you, if necessary.
Talking it over
Discussing things with others can help to throw up a possible course of action or solution, which you wouldn't have been able to formulate on your own. For someone with a religious faith, talking to a minister could help you sort out an answer.
Talking to a psychotherapist or counsellor could help you arrive at a better understanding of your worries and their effects, and will support you in doing something about them.
Writing a list
Try writing a list of what's troubling you. People often become stirred up about events that are quite improbable and seeing it written down may make you realise this. You may find it difficult to appreciate just how unlikely something is when you are preoccupied with it.
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Relaxation and visualisation
Relaxation exercises often focus on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This could involve imagining yourself in a pleasant setting, such as a beach, a nice room or a garden. You could visualise your worries as physical objects that can be discarded, such as stones or rocks you could heave into the distance.
Physical activity
Exercise is excellent because it can change the focus from your mind to your body. It relieves tension and uses up adrenalin. You don't have to go for a long run, or visit the gym. A good, steady walk can be just as effective, and is good for the heart as well as the head.
Improving your diet
It's a good idea to cut down on caffeine, which is found not only in tea and coffee, but also in colas and other canned drinks. They contain stimulants that can heighten the physical effects of tension, such as headaches and stomach problems.
Eating well and regularly may also have a very beneficial effect, because unstable blood sugar levels can lead to jittery feelings that contribute to your state of mind. Avoid alcohol or smoking, which both affect mood.
Complementary therapies
A growing number of people now treat themselves with alternative medicine, such as herbal remedies, Bach flower remedies, homeopathy and traditional Chinese medicines, some of which are available over the counter at high street chemists. Part of the reason for their popularity is that they allow people control over their own treatment. They are also seen as more natural and perhaps safer than orthodox medicine. However, these remedies can be powerful and are not necessarily free of side effects.
One of my favourite phrases is – “Worrying is like riding a rocking horse – it doesn't get you anywhere'." It might help to bear that in mind too!
I do recommend it.