THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

1. My mother taught me about ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?"
2. My mother taught me about RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me about LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me about IRONY:
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
8. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."
9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
11. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
12. My mother taught me about ENVY:
“There are millions of less fortunate kids who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."
14. My mother taught me about the process of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
16. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
17. My mother taught me about HUMOR:
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
19. My mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
20. My mother taught me about WISDOM:
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."