THESE ARE ENTRIES FROM A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other
that is, until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?