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Middle of the Road
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This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.
He's
checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes
through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy,
"You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you
never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one
REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The
guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I
was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this
poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure
enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em
torturing this chick.
Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a
tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the
gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain
running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the
Gang formed a circle all around me.
So I ripped the leader's
chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.
Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor,
innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged
animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"
"Er.. about two minutes ago."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.He's
checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes
through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy,
"You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you
never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one
REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The
guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I
was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this
poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure
enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em
torturing this chick.
Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a
tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the
gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain
running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the
Gang formed a circle all around me.
So I ripped the leader's
chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.
Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor,
innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged
animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"
"Er.. about two minutes ago."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Golf or Sex
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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the
golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”
Thinking
the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also
feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the
putt.
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.”
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”
Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay,” and he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without
waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side
and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your
sex life?”
“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
As
the golfer is walking to the clubhouse, the stranger walks alongside
him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t
know who I am. I’m the devil, and from this day forward you will have
no sex life.”
“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies, “I’m Father O’Malley.”
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by acouple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the
golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”
Thinking
the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also
feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the
putt.
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.”
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”
Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay,” and he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without
waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side
and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your
sex life?”
“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
As
the golfer is walking to the clubhouse, the stranger walks alongside
him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t
know who I am. I’m the devil, and from this day forward you will have
no sex life.”
“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies, “I’m Father O’Malley.”