Funny Quotes and Funny Thoughts
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.
-- Author Unknown
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-- Wendell Johnson
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
-- Gandhi
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-- Winston Churchill
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
-- Oscar Wilde
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

-- Margaret Mead
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
-- Garrison Keillor
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
-- Mark Twain
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
-- George Burns
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
-- Robert Frost
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
-- Josh Billings
Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.
-- Sandra Bullock
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
-- Oscar Wilde
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
-- Roseanne Barr
For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
-- Matthew Broderick
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
-- Author Unknown
He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole