From the Inside Out
A QUESTION
..... OF BALANCE

There
was a time when I acquiesced to others because I believed them to
have more experience, authority and wisdom. I was a child then,
and nothing had taught me the significance of my own inner voice.

This
perspective made me quite malleable. I was easily enticed and chose
my actions in response to others' opinions. Because my choices were
not made from conviction — but from impulse — it was necessary for my parents to instill firm boundaries for my
protection.

It
is no wonder I was exhausted by age 24 ... I had been busy
acting out others' desires and philosophies. My mind was
full, but my soul was not. I was frightfully unclear about who I
was and where I belonged. Simultaneously, the adults in my life
were asking me to become more independent. Thus, I found myself
facing a dilemma — how does one choose for themselves when their entire life
has been based upon the input others?

It
became apparent that I must begin by making decisions by myself and for myself! I foresaw myriads of unbearable eventualities
within that scenario, but something inside me recognized the utter
necessity of it. One of the first decisions I made was that — no matter what difficulties arose — I would continue!

I
was in unfamiliar territory when I set out to determine the validity
of my choices based on how the results felt to ME. Sometimes
that meant letting go of an idea or philosophy I thought I held
dear; but, by testing my beliefs and desires against the life I
was living, I learned which things to cling to and which to release.

Failures
however, were painful! My anguish was sometimes so deep that I would
sleep in the fetal position, appalled at my ineptness and wishing
someone else could take over. I mourned and prayed — and when my strength returned — so did my resolve to continue. Blessedly, because my failure was
not skewed by the presence of "old voices" that would
have categorized it as a deep personal flaw, I discovered I could
learn from failure! It then became a merciful compass from
which to find new direction!

I
remember the day I found myself in an argument with someone whose
opinion differed from mine. I noted, proudly, that what I defended
was not my parents’ opinion, my friend's or teacher's;
nor was it a philosophy I had found in a book … this
was MINE — borne of my struggle to live! That event was but one of many milestones
along my journey. Now I recognize the significance of all that transpired
and I understand these truths: Childhood is what it is. Becoming
an adult is what it is.

In
time, other voices — ones I had not given much credence to in my youth — began to resurface. Listening to them again, I heard wisdom … and now, I could recognize it. Through those voices I began
to understand that there are people I can turn to — for courage, for support and for advice.

It
has taken time, but I am beginning to balance now, on the tight-rope-of-life:
I stand on one foot as I listen to the anger of others — and on the other when I understand that I too feel anger
over certain injustices. I teeter in position when bombarded with
the voices of opinionated people — and then, catch myself mid-air ... as I consider their words
... and learn.

With
a balancing pole in both hands, I compare the philosophical differences
that exist between myself and others, but I won't fall. I am confident
in my stance, because I know that others have aligned themselves
to things borne of their experience and I, to things borne
of mine. Both are valid.

Now,
I live! I live an adult, spiritual, compassionate and steadfast
life. It was quickened by my need to be alone and independent — and matured by my desire to be intertwined and connected.

For,
life is what it is ... it is a question of balance.

~ By N. O. Tate © 2004,
who describes "education" as
"mankind's most valuable asset — even," the author notes,
"when the learning is derived from the School Of Hard Knocks."

"To free us from the
expectations of others,
to give us back to our-selves – there lies the
great,
the singular power of self-respect. 
~ Joan Didion

"Happiness is not something
ready made...
It comes from your own actions." 
~ Dalai Lama

"Courage
does not mean that you are not afraid. 
Doing something that you are
not afraid of is easy. 
Doing or facing something that you are afraid
of takes courage." 

~ Unknown

"We
should praise the qualities we would like to see in others,
declare that
others possess them already,
and then watch how quickly these persons will
respond."
~
Catherine Ponder

"Pass
down values every day through your actions,
your words and your time with
your kids."
~ Robert Frank

"Self-esteem is as
necessary
to the spirit as food is to the body."  
~ Dr. Maxwell Maltz  

"The future belongs to those

who believe in the beauty of their dreams."  
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"There are no seven
wonders of the
world in the eyes of a child. 
There are seven million." 

~ Walt Streightiff

"Never bend your head. 
Hold it high. 
Look the world straight in the eye." 
~ Helen Keller

"What
lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what
lies within us."

"All that we
love deeply becomes a part of us."
~ Helen Keller

"Happiness is when what you think,
what you say, and what you do are in
harmony." 
~ Mahatma
Gandhi