Here
are the Best T-shirts, which ran recently in the Washington Post:

• 
  

  God Made Us
  Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
  



• 
  

  My Mother Is a
  Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
  



• 
  

  Senior Citizen:
  Give Me My Damn Discount
  



• 
  

  (Spotted on a
  passing motorcycle): If You Can
  Read This, My wife Fell Off
  



• 
  

  I Used to Be
  Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now
  

• 
  

  Veni, Vedi, Visa: I
  Came, I Saw, I Did a
  Little Shopping
  



• 
  

  What If the Hokey
  Pokey Is Really What It's
  All About?
  



• 
  

  Coffee, Chocolate,
  Men; Some Things Are Just
  Better Rich
  



• 
  

  Liberal Arts
  Major..Will Think for Food
  



• 
  

  Don't Treat Me Any
  Differently Than You Would
  the Queen
  

• 
  

  Gravity...It's Not
  Just a Good Idea. It's the
  Law
  



• 
  

  If You Want
  Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the
  Kitchen
  



• 
  

  First National Bank
  of Dad; Sorry, Closed
  



• 
  

  In Dog Years, I'm
  Dead
  



• 
  

  Love May Be Blind,
  But Marriage Is a Real Eye
  Opener
  

• 
  

  If at First You
  Don't Succeed, Skydiving
  Isn't for You
  



• 
  

  The Trouble With
  the Gene Pool Is That
  There's No Lifeguard
  



• 
  

  Get a New Car for
  Your Spouse. It'll Be a
  Great Trade
  



• 
  

  I'm Going to
  Graduate on Time, No Matter How
  Long It Takes
  



• 
  

  Anything Not Worth
  Doing Is Not Worth Doing
  Well
  

• 
  

  A Day Without
  Sunshine is Like Night
  



• 
  

  First Things First,
  but Not Necessarily in
  That Order
  



• 
  

  Old Age Comes at a
  Bad Time
  



• 
  

  In America, Anyone
  Can Be President. That's
  One of the Risks You Take
  



• 
  

  Some people are
  only alive because it is
  illegal to shoot them
  

• 
  

  I used to have a
  handle on life, but it
  broke.
  



• 
  

  You're just jealous
  because the voices only
  talk to ME.
  



• 
  

  BEER: It's not just
  for breakfast anymore.
  



• 
  

  So you're a
  feminist...Isn't that cute.
  



• 
  

  The more you
  complain, the longer God makes
  you live.
  

• 
  

  I(nternal)
  R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got
  what it takes to take what you've got.
  



• 
  

  Hard work has a
  future payoff. Laziness pays
  off now.
  



• 
  

  Out of my
  mind...Back in five minutes.
  



• 
  

  As long as there
  are tests, there will be
  prayer in public schools.
  



• 
  

  Hang up and drive.
  

• 
  

  I want to die
  peacefully in my sleep like my
  grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in
  his car.
  



• 
  

  God must love
  stupid people...He made SO
  many.
  



• 
  

  Smile, it's the
  second best thing you can do
  with your lips.
  



• 
  

  I took an IQ test
  and the results were
  negative.
  



• 
  

  Where there's a
  will..I want to be in it.
  

• 
  

  Consciousness: That
  annoying time between
  naps.
  



• 
  

  Ever stop to think,
  and forget to start
  again?
  



• 
  

  Always remember
  you're unique... Just like
  everyone else.
  



• 
  

  God is my copilot,
  but the Devil is my
  bombardier.
  



• 
  

  I don't have a
  license to kill. I have a
  learner's permit.
  

• 
  

  Keep honking while I
  reload.
  



• 
  

  Taxation WITH
  representation isn't so hot,
  either!
  



• 
  

  Who were the
  testers for Preparations A
  through G?
  



• 
  

  Madness takes its
  toll. Please have exact
  change.
  



• 
  

  5 days a week my
  body is a temple. The other
  two, it's an amusement park.
  

• 
  

  EARTH FIRST! We'll
  stripmine the other
  planets later.
  



• 
  

  If you drink, don't
  park. Accidents cause
  people.
  



• 
  

  If you can read
  this, I can hit my brakes and
  sue you.
  



• 
  

  Save the whales!
  Trade them for valuable
  prizes.
  



• 
  

  Whitewater is over
  when the First Lady sings.
  

• 
  

  Jack Kevorkian for
  White House physician.
  



• 
  

  My wife keeps
  complaining I never listen to
  her ...or something like that
  



• 
  

  Alcohol and
  calculus don't mix. Never drink
  and derive.
  



• 
  

  Stop repeat
  offenders. Don't reelect them!