YO MOMMA JOKES



*Yo mamma's so stupid, she stuck a cell phone up her butt and said she had a bootie call.

*Yo momma so dumb, she installed a peep hole in her screen door.

*Yo momma's so fat, her belly button's got an echo.

*Yo momma's so ugly, she turned 3 cannibals into vegetarians.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate!

*Yo momma's so fat, the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

*Yo Momma's so fat, she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

*Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!

*Yo momma's so fat, she uses a mattress for a tampon!

*Yo momma's so fat, she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose!

*Yo momma's so fat, that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

*Yo momma's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real!

*Yo momma's so nice, she'll give you the hair off her back!

*Yo momma's so fat, when you slap her thigh you can ride the wave!

*You momma's so stupid, she asked what letter came after X and I said "Y" and she said, "Because I want to know."

*Yo momma's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*Yo momma's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.

*Yo momma's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

*Yo momma's so stupid, under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".

*Yo momma's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.

*Yo momma's so stupid, at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".

*Yo momma's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she went for a blood TEST...and failed.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

*Yo momma's so stupid, when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*Yo momma's so stupid, when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*Yo momma's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

*Yo momma's so fat, when she dances she makes the band skip.

*Yo momma's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

*Yo momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

*Yo momma's so fat, her ass has its own congressman.

*Yo momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

*Yo momma's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

*Yo momma's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

*Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

*Yo momma's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

*Yo momma's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

*Yo momma's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.

*Yo momma's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

*Yo momma's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lay face-down on the couch!

*Yo momma's so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

*Yo momma's so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

*Yo momma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family!

*Yo momma's so fat, she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

*Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund!

*Yo momma's so fat, she's got her own area code!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions!

*Yo momma's so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps!

*Yo momma's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!

*Yo momma's so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks!

*Yo momma's so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has a run in her blue-jeans!

*Yo momma's so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

*Yo momma's so fat, she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway!

*Yo momma's so fat, she stands in two time zones!

*Yo momma's so fat, people jog around her for exercise!

*Yo momma's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!

*Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she is at the beach, people run around yelling "Free Willy!"

*Yo momma's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"

*Yo momma's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say "Taxi!"

*Yo momma's so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read "One at a time, please"!

*Yo momma's so fat, God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

*Yo momma's so fat, NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

*Yo momma's so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

*Yo momma's so fat, even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

*Yo momma's so fat, that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

*Yo momma's so fat, they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says to be continued!

*Yo momma's so fat, that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas!

*Yo momma's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her!

*Yo momma's so fat, you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through it!

*Yo momma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

*Yo momma's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she is backing up!

*Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock!

*Yo momma's so fat, after sex she smokes a turkey!

*Yo momma's so fat, her blood type is Ragu!

*Yo momma's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has shocks on her toilet seat!

*Yo momma's so fat, her nickname is "DAMN!"

*Yo momma's so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

*Yo momma's so fat, she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

*Yo momma's so fat, when you get on top of her your ears pop!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

*Yo momma's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volvo!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, LA, Chicago...

*Yo momma's so fat, she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

*Yo momma's so fat, you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to have sex with her.

*Yo momma's so fat, she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

*Yo momma's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out!

*Yo momma's so fat, when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!

*Yo momma's so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

*Yo momma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.

*Yo momma's so fat, the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

*Yo momma's so fat, she can't tie her own shoes.

*Yo momma's so fat, she cant reach her back pocket.

*Yo momma's so fat, she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

*Yo momma's so fat, that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.

*Yo momma's so fat, that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

*Yo momma's so fat, she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

*Yo momma's so fat, that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

*Yo momma's so fat, we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

*Yo momma's so fat, she accidentally got a 747 caught in her teeth!

*Yo momma's so fat, to her "light food" means under 4 Tons!

*Yo momma's so fat, she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!

*Yo momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to GET OFF!

*Yo momma's so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!

*Yo momma's so fat, she was zoned for commercial development.

*Yo momma's so fat, she won "Miss Bessie the Cow 94".

*Yo momma's so fat, she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans!

*Yo momma's so fat, she has more rolls than a Mary Jane truck!

*Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she asked "What is the number for 911?"

*Yo momma's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

*Yo momma's so stupid, she stole free bread.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the superbowl.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

*Yo momma's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

*Yo momma's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

*Yo momma's so stupid, when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonald's!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

*Yo momma's so stupid, was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book.

*Yo momma's so stupid, it takes her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought the Nazis were saying "Hi! Hitler."

*Yo momma's so stupid, it takes her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus.

*Yo momma's so stupid, it takes her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

*Yo momma's so stupid, she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "Guess" so she said Levi's.

*Yo momma's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

*Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

*Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

*Yo momma's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

*Yo momma's so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

*Yo momma's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

*Yo momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry.

*Yo momma's so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours for a quote!

*Yo momma's so ugly, she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!

*Yo momma's so ugly, she looks out the window and gets arrested!

*Yo momma's so ugly, for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

*Yo momma's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone!

*Yo momma's so ugly, people go as her for Halloween.

*Yo momma's so ugly, she scares the roaches away.

*Yo momma's so ugly, I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

*Yo momma's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

*Yo momma's so ugly, your dad's breath smells like crap because he would rather kiss her ass.

*Yo momma's so ugly, she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow!

*Yo momma's so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.

*Yo momma's so old, her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

*Yo momma's nose is so big, you can go bowling with her boogers!

*Yo momma's nose is so big, she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!

*Yo momma's so mybloggers, Exxon buys Oil from her.

*Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.

*Yo momma's so lazy, she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

*Yo momma's so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

*Yo momma's so tall, she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

*Yo momma's so flat, she makes the wall jealous!

*Yo momma's glasses are so thick, that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

*Yo momma's glasses are so thick, she can see into the future.

*Yo momma's so short, she can play handball on the curb.

*Yo momma's so short, she does back-flips under the bed.

*Yo momma's so short, she models for trophies.

*Yo momma's so short, she is the original Q-tip.

*Yo momma's so short, she poll vaults with a toothpick.

*Yo momma's so nasty, she made speed stick slow down.

*Yo momma's so nasty, the fishery be paying her to leave.

*Yo momma's so nasty, that her crap is glad to escape.

*Yo momma's so nasty, lice consider her a great vacation place.

*Yo momma's so nasty, she was declared in quarantine since before she was born.

*Yo momma's so nasty, she joined the four horseman: war, death, famine, disease and Yo momma!

*Yo momma's so nasty, her teeth look like she got jumped by the Cavity Creeps!

*Yo momma's like the Pillsbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

*Yo momma's like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!

*Yo momma's like a TV set, even a three year old can turn her on!

*Yo momma's like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

*Yo momma's like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

*Yo momma's like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

*Yo momma's like a ketchup bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

*Yo momma's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows!

*Yo momma's like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

*Yo momma's like cake mix, 15 servings per package!

*Yo momma's like a rifle: four cocks and she's loaded.

*Yo momma's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

*Yo momma's like Chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

*Yo momma's like a vacuum cleaner: a real good suck.

*Yo momma's like castlebury stew: servings are family size

*Yo momma's so hairy, Bigfoot is taking her picture!

*Yo momma's so hairy, she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro!

*Yo momma's so slutty, she could suck-start a Harley!

*Yo momma's so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

*Yo momma's so slutty, that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

*Yo momma's so slutty, she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive.

*Yo momma's so slutty, that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

*Yo momma's so slutty, she blind and seeing another man.

*Yo momma's so slutty, she is known as Homecoming Disease

*Yo momma's so slutty, she has Trojan written on her gumline.

*Yo momma's got two wooden legs and one is on backward.

*Yo momma's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.

*Yo momma's got eyes in her butt talking about "Damn, did you see that crap?!"

*Yo momma's house is so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.

*Yo momma's house is so small, you have to go outside to change your mind.

*Yo momma's house is so dirty, roaches ride around on dune buggies!

*Yo momma's house is so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

*Yo momma's hair is so short, when she braided it they looked like stitches.

*Yo momma's hair is so short, she curls it with rice.

*Yo momma's hair is so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.

*Yo momma's head is so big, she has to step into her shirts.

*Yo momma's head is so small, she uses a tea-bag as a pillow.

*Yo momma's head is so small, that she got her ear pierced and died.

*Yo momma's wears knee-pads and yells, "Curb Service!"

*Yo momma's feet are so big, her shoes have to have license plates!

*Yo momma's mouth is so big, she speaks in surround sound.

*Yo momma's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

*Yo momma's so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

*Yo momma's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

*Yo momma's in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna push me 'round no more."

*Yo momma's so grouchy, the McDonald's she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

*Yo momma's gums are so black, she spits Yoo-hoo.

*Yo momma's breath smells so bad, when she yawns her teeth duck.

*Yo momma's in a wheelchair screaming, "I AIN'T STANDING FOR THIS!"

*Yo momma can wrestle a cow to the ground.

*If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.

*Yo momma's so slutty, it took her 10 tries to get her drivers license: she couldn't get used to the front seat!

*Yo momma's so fat, she uses hula-hoops to hold up her stockings!

*Yo momma's so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box!

*Yo momma's so fat, she shaves her legs with a lawnmower!

*Yo momma's so stinky, she made Right Guard turn left!

*Yo momma's so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!

*Yo momma is like Betty Crocker icing, always ready to spread!

*Yo momma is like Crazy Eddie's, she's practically giving it away!

*Yo momma is like a 7-11, on every corner and always open!

*Yo momma is like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece!

*Yo momma is like a bubble-gum machine, 25 cents a blow!

*Yo momma is like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day!

*Yo momma's so fat, she wakes up in sections!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she hears it's chilly outside, so she gets a bowl!

*Yo momma's so stupid, that she sold the car for gas money!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought gangrene was another golf course!

*Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company!

*Yo momma's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

*Yo momma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!

*Yo momma's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

*Yo momma's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies!

*Yo momma's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

*Yo momma's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars!

*Yo momma's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck!

*Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her!

*Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

*Yo momma's so ugly, even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

*Yo momma's so ugly, when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her!

*Yo momma's so ugly, doctors hire her to stand outside their offices to make people sick!

*Yo momma's so old, I told her to act her age, and the bitch died!

*Yo momma's so old, she has Jesus' beeper number!

*Yo momma's so old, her social security number is 1!

*Yo momma's so old, that when God said let there be light, she hit the switch!

*Yo momma's so old, that when she was in school there was no history class!

*Yo momma's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince!

*Yo momma's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper!

*Yo momma's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs!

*Yo momma's so old, her tits give off powdered milk!

*Yo momma's so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

*Yo momma's so poor, she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

*Yo momma's so dirty, she has to creep up on bath water!

*Yo momma's so dirty, the soap says NOPE!

*Yo momma's so short, every time she farts, she blows sand in her shoes!

*Yo momma's so short, you can see her feet on her drivers license!

*Yo momma's so short, she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime!

*Yo momma's so short, she has to cuff her underwear!

*Yo momma's so nasty, she has to put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

*Yo momma's so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach!

*Yo momma's so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection!

*Yo momma's so nasty, she went swimming and now we have the dead sea!

*Yo momma's so nasty, she has to wear long dresses to hide the no pest strip!

*Yo momma's like potato chips, Fri-Too-Lay!

*Yo momma's like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

*Yo momma's like a refrigerator, everyone likes to put their meat in her!

*Yo momma's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth!

*Yo momma's so hairy, she's got an afro on her nipples!

*Yo momma's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwhacker!

*Yo momma's so hairy, her electric shaver has three settings: light, medium, and TIMBER!

*Yo momma's so slutty, when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

*Yo momma's so mybloggers, she used bacon as a band-aid!

*Yo momma's so mybloggers, she sweats Crisco!

*Yo momma's so skinny, she hula hoops with a cheerio!

*Yo momma's so skinny, she has to wear a belt with spandex!

*Yo momma's so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared!

*Yo momma's so bald, you can see what's on her mind!

*Yo momma's so bald, that she took a shower and got brain-washed!

*Yo momma's so bald, she has holes in her pockets so that she can run her fingers through her hair!

*Yo momma's so tall, she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon!

*Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she had to braid it!

*Yo momma has an ass so big, she has to shit in a dumpster!

*Yo momma's head is so big, it shows up on radar!

*Yo momma's lips are so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray!

*Yo momma's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice!