OK, this bothers me quite a lot, i like guys, i have no doubt of that and i totally accept it, but what really bothers me is the fact that probably i will live all my life "hiding", i mean, telling my real feelings to my friends and family is out of question, i know you gonna say my real friends will accept me as i am, but not sure of it and about my parents... no way, they would never accept it, i know it.
I also know you gonna say i should show my real feelings and open myself and be happy as i am, but its more difficult than you can imagine, i live in a country where being gay is a problem and if we like someone of same gender we have some "mental disorder", we hear here a lot about people losing their jobs because they are gay, this is unacceptable but makes us gay people stay hiding and living a lie.
I have a girlfriend, i love her and i care a lot about her, i was 18 when i started dating her, but my gay feelings were always here, but i always tought this thing for guys was just some curiosity so i kept myself with my girlfriend because i also feel good being with her, but lately im seeing that this thing about guys isnt just some curiosity and its a real desire and need, im in a dificult part of my life because soon my girlfriend will think about marriage (we will be both 23 years old this year, both finishing university) we will have our life more settled soon so i know she will make plans, and i cant give her any hope, i mean, i dont want to marry and stay my whole life cheating on her or watching gay porn on internet and pretending im someone else, or if in 10 years i cant take it anymore and i divorce her to be with a guy, how unfair this will be for her? To be clear im not using my gf as a shield between me and society, i really love her and i am happy with her, but in a few years i don't know.

well, thanks for reading and i hope you understand I'm not ashamed of who i am or ashamed of the feelings i have, I'm proud of it, but i need to "protect" myself and hiding is the best way to live but keep my feelings stuck isn't any good for me either.