Well, howdy folks!  This here's C.J.'s country cuzzin' chekin' back in.  Ah fin'ly dug outta' that there snowstorm jest in time fer a visit frum Granpaw 'n Granmaw.

They's on thur way inta town tuh see thu doc.  Seems Granpaw ducided he needed sum uh that ther Viagree.

Soon as he tells Granmaw, she says, "Well, ah better go to thu docter too then."

"Why?"  says Gramps.

Then Granmaw says, "If yer gonna' start usin' that rusty thang agin, ah needs a tet'nus shot, fer sure!"

Uhnuff uv that tomfool'ry! Ah have mah prudicshuns fer 2009 ready fer ya....
Yuh know around these here parts, sum folks likes tuh call me thu 'Rednek Nostradamus.'  Ah'm kinda' proud uf that ther title, an  'ah tak' mah predicshuns real sereous....so, here goez!
It’s time fer the rednek Nostradamus tuh gaz  into his crystul ball tuh see what the future holds fer 2009.
1.  Ah predict Anjuleena Jolee's tattoos will be invited tuh appear on “Dancing with the Stars.”
2.  Budweiser will be named thu official drank of Butthill County; water came in fourth. If they didn’t need thu water fer thu marijuana, water wouldda' been 34th.
3. Thu Indiantown barbecue will be born agin. The natives never had to steal a hog. Tuh be on the menu was a status symbol, so all the hogs volunteered.
4.  In 2009,Bank uf America will innnerduce a new service fer those who like to keep their money under the mattress or buried in thu backyard. BOK will give yuh a mattress with a new account or a shovel if yuh bury yer money.
5.  Cheverlet will offer uh new >garantee on all cars: a 50,000-mile garantee on the glove compartmunt.
6.  Wal-Mart will garantee all ther products made in China fer 15 minutes er the life of the product.
7. Red Lobster will no longer offer ther endless shrimp promotion tuh people in MyBloggerstown unles theys agrees tuh let peple watch whil they eats.

8.  Barnes & Noble will offer a hardback cover of thu latust sex manual with the purchase of the complete works of Shakespeer an' a CD of Bush's greatest speechs.
9.  The CEO uf lehmun Bruthers  will denounce the almighty dollar and go live in a cave in Nu Hampshire.
10. Devils Asshole and Snotblow will merge, but they will still continu tuh have a separate football team, because Asshole can’t beat cream wuth an outboard moter.

11. Prezident Obama will invite thu locul orchestru to play at the White House befor' a captive audience.  Thu Senuter frum Alabama has one weakness. He can’t decide which he hates  thu most: Democrats or Clemson. When one uf thu orchestru suggested Tiger Rag at uh meetin tuh pick thu songs, the Senatur threw a shoe at him.

12. Devil's Asshole-Snotblow Technical College will add a course in clonin'.  Clonin' is nuthin' new here in Hillsbutt County; we jest call 'em cuzzins.
13. Pond Creek, tared uf
bein' ridiculed for not havin' uh creek, will form a bucket brugade frum Lovers Lake to Pond Creek. They plan tuh flood Main Street and sell waterfront lots.
14.  Thu Second Annuel Musquoiter Festival will be held at Swamp City.  Skeeter will fly in frum all over the area. Last year, it wuz rumored the Swamp City Chamber of Commerce substituted Heinz ketsup fer blood. The little buggers was not amused. This year, the chamber of commerce will add French fries.

Well, that's it fer anuther year.  Just sit back an watch it happen, folks!!

My apologies to Charlie Walker of Kingstree, NC, for stealing some of his ideas, re-working them and butchering his grammar.  Charlie writes a local column for the newspaper there.