A Housewife's Diary......

 Day 1 -- Just celebrated our 25th anniversary with not much to
 celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked
 himself in the bathroom and cried.

 Day 2 -- Today he told me he has a big secret to tell me. He's
 impotent, he says, and wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't
 he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break!  He's
 been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp!

 Day 3 -- This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs you know!
 Sometimes I need something too! Yesterday, I saw a picture of the
 Washington Monument and burst into tears!

 Day 4 -- A miracle has happened!! There's an new drug on the market
 that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if
 he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding
 night.  He asked me if this time I would say HIS name at the
 "glorious moment".

 Day 5 -- Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is shining, the birds
 are singing. My needs have been fulfilled. Everything is perfect.

 Day 6 -- Again!

 Day 7 -- This Viagra thing is going to his head. (No pun intended)
 Yesterday, at Burger King, the kid behind the counter asked him if he
 wanted a whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one."

 Day 8 -- I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday,
 instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new "friend" as a  weed
 wacker.

 Day 9 -- Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take
 so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with
 hard cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working anymore.  What am I
 going to do?

 Day 10 -- I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out
 with Black and Decker.

 Day 11 -- I wish he was gay. I've bought him 20 Liza Minelli albums
 and the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and he keeps coming after me.

 Day 12 -- Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I
 shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a
 scud missile!

 Day 13 -- I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing works. I even
 started dressing like a nun. He says penguins turn him on.

 Day 14 -- I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to have to kill
 him. I just worry about one thing - how will they ever get the lid to
 close on his casket?

To view my other post today, click on the icon below: