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Quirks About Life
You Notice By The Time You Are 50:
Most people deserve each other.
All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys his spouse.
Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.
If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
wedding.
Submitted by Cicec By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence! ~~~~~ Did You Know? Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. ~~~~~ Remember? ~~~~~ ~~~~~ Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too"! ~~~~~ You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ever ask you to appear topless in film. ~~~~~ Here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. Bifocals Barbie. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of"Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included. ~~~~~ Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar. ~~~~~ ~~~~~ There is a man in Ely, MN by the name of Jack Pine Bob. He has a mother who is 106! One day he asked her, "What's it like to be 106." She said, "Let me tell you. All of my friends are dead. They are all in heaven now and they are up there mingling with one another. By now, they are starting to wonder if I might have gone to the other place." ~~~~~ Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?" ~~~~~ ~~~~~ Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you still retain is water. ~~~~~ Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. ~~~~~ How Old Are You? The biggest disadvantage of old age is that you can't outgrow it. She's getting crows feet around her eyes. And I'll tell you, that crow has big feet! You know you're past your prime when every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell. I don't like to do things now that I did 20 years ago -- like look in the mirror. I'm middle-age, middle-class, and middle-of-the-road. I feel like that white stuff in the middle of an Oreo. Heck, I don't feel a day older than I did a hundred years ago. Sometimes I feel old enough to be my own father. You know you're past your prime when you start getting air-guitar elbow. Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin. My neighbors have been married for 60 years. They look like identical twins. One of them wears a dress. I don't know which one. Submitted by HappyL8dy ~~~~~ Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. ~~~~~    An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. Submitted by RayEs ~~~~~ ~~~~~  
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Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
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The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."Thoughts...
Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
