When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

 

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
 

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

I never said most of the things I said.

Yogi Berra