HELP IN THE GARDEN PATCH

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

"Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa"

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


"Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie"


At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.


That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,

Vinnie"


KEEPING HEALTHY

Did you know pasta is good for your weight problems.

You walka pasta da Bakery.
You walka pasta da candy store.
You walka pasta da icea cream shop.
And alla dat walking keepa you fit anda healthy.

And did you know.
The Japanese eat very little fat and have very low heart attack problems.
The Mexicans eat lots of fat and have very low heart attack problems.
The Chinese drink very little red wine and have very little heart attack problems.
The Italians drink lots of red wine and have very few heart attack problems.
The Germans eat lots of fatty sausages drink lots of red wine and beer and also have very low heart attack problems.

"CONCLUSION" .

Eat and drink what ever you bloody well want to.
Evidently speaking ENGLISH is what kills you