THE FINAL HURRAH


· Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
· There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
· The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
· Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
· When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
· Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
· Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.



Love

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb ?”

He said, “Thank you, I'll have chicken.”

“Shut up. You're having soup. I was talking to the dog