A Cat Speaks Up

Now hear this! You may live in this dwelling with me, but keep in mind your sole purpose for existing is to care for me. I pray God keeps you able to do so.

Feed me well and promptly, so that I may find a quiet place to lie down and stare at you. If that place happens to be on top of the television set, do not keep trying to dislodge me even though my tail is hanging in the middle of the picture.

I expect full run of the premises, including the kitchen table. I sniff your food only to see if I prefer it to mine. Brush me twice a week. Pet me as often as you wish, but I can do without the idiotic statements you utter as you do so.

When I bump my head against your leg or cheek, it means I accept you as part of my environment. Keep in mind that if I thought the lady next door would feed me better, I'd be out of here in a minute. If you're looking for loyalty, get a dog.