A bloke is sitting quietly reading his paper one morning when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of the head with a huge frying pan.
Bloke: "What was that for?"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Marianne written on it?"
Bloke: "Remember two weeks ago when I went to the races? Marianne was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife looks sheepish, apologises and goes to put the frying pan back in the kitchen.

Three days later he's once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan attack.
Bloke: "What the hell was that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse phoned."




The Last Coin
> .................
> A
> father walks into a restaurant with his young
> son.
> He gives the young boy 3 ten cent
> pieces to play with to keep him
> occupied.
> Suddenly,
> the boy starts choking, going blue in the
> face.
> The father
> realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and
> starts
> slapping
> him on the back.
> The
> boy coughs up 2 of the coins, but keeps
> choking.
> Looking at
> his son,the father is panicking, shouting for
> help.
>
> A
> well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman,
> in a blue
> business
> suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and
> sipping a cup of coffee. At the
> sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts
> her
> coffee cup
> down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on
> the
> counter,gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried,across the restaurant.
> Reaching
> the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of
> Boy's' testicles
>
>
> and starts to squeeze and
> twist, gently at first and then
> ever so
> firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently
> and
> coughs up
> the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her
> free
> hand.
> Releasing
> the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to
> the father
> And
> walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without
> saying a word.
> As soon as
> he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects,
> the
> father
> rushes
> over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,
> "I've never seen anybody do anything like
> that before, it was fantastic."
> "Are you a
> doctor?"
>
>
> 'No,' the woman replied.
> 'I'm a lawyer with the Australian Taxation Office


> .


A Russian woman married an English
gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Newcastle . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.

The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to thestore...



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What were you
thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
It is quite common among English gentlemen.

Now get back to blogging
I don't know about you
sometimes!
.'