You want to tell your long-kept secret to someone whom you completely trust. Usually this is a close friend or some other person whom you have had tremendous trust. You aren’t sure of how to tell the person. You struggle a little at first, but as you are looking at the other person, you see in their eyes just how much they care, they want to understand. You never dreamed of actually letting another soul know this secret that you have been hiding for years, or maybe even decades. But there come a time when you just can’t keep it inside any longer. It’s eating away at your insides like some flu virus or illness. You finally have that one second of confidence and you want to blurt it out, closing your eyes tightly, thinking that once the words come out, you will just vanish into thin air. Once it comes out, that dreadful silence consumes you. Almost as if the world stopped in those few seconds which seem like endless minutes. You open your eyes and see for yourself that you are still alive. You are in the same spot that you were before shutting out the world with your eyes. You glance slowly at the other person and look into their eyes. At this point you don’t care what their words are, because you are completely relieved that your secret is out. You begin to feel the pain escape like opening a dam on a river and letting the water escape behind all that pressure.

I’m not talking about you telling someone about a secret crush, or a lie that you never wanted anyone to know about. I’m talking about something more powerful within yourself. What I’m talking about is you telling someone “I’m gay”. Many of us have been there and can relate to this. Many of you may not have yet faced this moment because of the fear of rejection or some other reason. I know the incident described above probably isn’t exactly the way you came out. The point is, you likely had similar feelings at the time you did lift the gates of your dam.

It’s an amazing feeling when someone finally knows your “secret”, and you find they still love you for who you are. Now its possible the first person you told wasn’t the most supportive person that you originally thought. However, you eventually got the courage to tell another person later on who was supportive, understanding, and caring. I bet most of you can remember the exact day that you first “came out” to someone.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could end it there and think of it as a happy ending? Unfortunately, we must continue to come out. From my personal experience, it does get easier with each “confession”. I’m often asked when I first came out. I’ve never been asked about the second, third, or twentieth time. The truth is we are constantly having to come out. And realistically, we will probably have to do it throughout our lives. When we do come out, it’s not like we are given a poster that’s pinned to our back that says “I’m Gay”; though some days it would be nice. I always thought that when I did come out, all my problems in that area were over for good; yet I was wrong.

There will be dozens of times in our lives, whenever we meet new people in the non-gay world, that we will have to let them know that we are gay. I don’t mean that you have to share this with EVERYONE, but when it is necessary to tell someone, it can be tricky. How will that person react? Will it affect the friendship or relationship we now share? Will it affect my job? Depending on the situation, in a lot of cases, it doesn’t matter. But when it does matter, you will be faced with how and when to tell yet another person that you are gay. Some work places are “rumor mills” so once someone knows (or even suspects) that you are gay, they all start looking at you and wonder if it’s true. For me, I’d rather just be open about it and avoid all those awkward stares and uncomfortable conversations where they have a sweet woman they would like me to meet. If you have a situation where you’re not sure if you should come out and be open with your orientation, I hope you’ll talk to a trusted friend about how to handle it. I would be happy to help you, too, if I can. I’d enjoy hearing how you handled it and how it turned out. Your story could help others.

Until next time, get involved and enjoy life!