My turn


Gay marriage no threat to others


By MARY HALPIN CARTER For the Monitor

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May 29, 2009 - 6:50 am



I am writing to challenge the notions that civil unions are sufficient, that the churches need special protections against gay marriage and that gay marriage diminishes heterosexual marriage. I am a mother, a wife of 17 years, a Sunday School teacher and church volunteer, and I see this issue in both its legal and familial contexts.

The idea that civil unions are an acceptable substitute for marriage is to accept the repudiated concept of "separate but equal." Civil unions are merely a separate but equal substitute for actual rights of citizenship. The civil rights laws of the 1950s established that all adult citizens have the same rights. The idea of restricting gay citizens to junior varsity marriage status violates established American ideals.

As for the proposed amendment to the marriage equality law, what evidence has been presented to indicate that the amendment is necessary? In an analogous context, the courts have upheld the ability of other nonprofit, charitable organizations, namely the Boy Scouts of America, to discriminate on the basis of sexual preference. (The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Boy Scouts of America's practice of preventing gay people from serving as scoutmasters based on the First Amendment right of expressive association.)

While one might challenge the morality of certain churches' refusal to accept gay marriage, the issue here is whether an amendment is necessary to protect churches from legal claims of discrimination. Considering the precedent, it is hard to believe that conservative Christian churches will be forced to offer sacramental marriage to gay people, when the Boy Scouts of America were allowed to ban gay adults entirely.

Finally, the idea that prohibiting gay marriage is better for heterosexual marriage and families is inaccurate. I grew up thinking gay marriage was legal because the gay couples I knew wore wedding rings. Is my heterosexual marriage of 17 years diminished because I grew up thinking that all loving adults got married? Of course not.

As a mother of three children, godmother of five and teacher of many, I will be profoundly disappointed if I cannot attend the weddings of all the children I know.

Gay marriage isn't bad for families. What is bad for families is a parent who married to "go straight" and drew a spouse into a confusing and unfulfilling relationship for life. What is bad for families is a single uncle or aunt who seems depressed or estranged from the family for periods of time. Living in honesty is good for families.

Please support open, honest, equal marriage for all our citizens.

(Mary Halpin Carter lives in Hopkinton.)