So today the phone rang where I'm housesitting. I usually answer the phone as this house is a place of business, and my cell phone doesn't work up here so I give out the number for friends/family to find me.

"Why hello, Goddess"

I knew that voice. Holy crap, I hadn't talked to that voice in well over a year, if not two. Time ticks faster in Los Angeles than in most places and time ticks louder as I just had a birthday making time irrelevant and utterly important all in the same exhale.

Seems an exboyfriend of mine, we ended on excellent terms - just weren't gelling as a couple, had finished remodeling his house. And had got a promotion at work. And had been taking fantastic vacations with his coupled friends, but traveled solo with them as he "doesn't want just any ol' gal."

"Are you seeing anyone?" He finally got around to asking. "Why, yes," I replied, "For almost a year now."

"Are you living together, Goddess?" ..."Uh, no," I stammered, "We've talked about it."

I felt my throat tightening. I felt my eyes starting to well up with tears. Why am I about to cry??

We chattered for another few minutes about life, the weather, art, music and common friends.

"Well, I suppose I should let you go," he finally said. "I was just going to email you, but I figured I'd rather talk with you to catch up."

I don't fancy my ex in any partnership way. I don't care for him in anything more than a friend. He's always been sweet and nice, but never did I feel like he would be a good partner for me.

I love my boyfriend madly. I have never wanted to please (in every aspect of partnership) more than I have him. He's a good person. A loving heart. A trustworthy and strong man who is marvelous at work and at play.

So why, all day today, did I feel more lonely than ever?

I hope I'm just hormonal. That would explain everything.