I've been perusing some of my old blog posts back to 2006 and I came across this one of two different poems I wrote about the same person when I was a teenager. I've always been one to document my thoughts and whatever I am working on. I used to journal all the time, daily, when I needed to. I find it rather interesting to go back and read what I wrote so many years prior to see the way my mind worked back then. And, I can see, it works the same as it does now! Scary, huh? LOL

I UNDERSTAND

First I see a big smile,
from this brown eye boy.
The wonder in his eyes,
shows his pride and joy.

This beautiful boy,
loves make believe.
His imagination so strong.
He's so happy and glee.

Suddenly, I see pain,
and hurt in his eyes.
He's got no where to turn,
too much pride to cry.

He's so terribly hurt,
so built up with tears,
but by not letting go,
he builds his fears.

This little boy,
so hurt and so sad.
Why do they think,
he is so bad?

He's no a bad kid.
He's a good little boy,
but someone came,
and shattered his joy.

The reality of life,
is lost for now,
as he turns to imagination,
to show him how.

He learns for himself.
Mistakes he does not know.
He doesn't have a teacher,
to tell him so.

He doesn't know the difference,
between wrong and right.
He hasn't learned anything,
but how to fight.

He fights the fears,
inside his mind.
His love is lost,
it's hard to be kind.

He's a small little boy,
with a boggled head.
He has a tension span,
as thin as thread.

As the hurt grows long.
The anger grows strong.

This little boy,
so mixed up and confused.
What does he do?
He must choose?

Does he show the tears,
and let people know,
or does he shut them out,
as a cold heart grows?

He chooses the latter,
and shuts out his tears.
Now he thinks,
he'll have nothing to fear.

What this little boy doesn't know,
is he chose the wrong way.
Now what's he going to do,
when he's too old to play?

So he grows older,
but his mind won't let go,
the pain he felt,
from years ago.

He's never learn to reason,
nor learn to give in,
he doesn't know the difference.
His mind's so boggled within.

As he grows older,
confusion grows stronger.

He's so badly hurt,
his heart so weighed down.
He walks through life,
with an unhappy frown.

Now he's a man,
but still confused.
Any little wrong,
will set off his fuse.

He knows he's boggled,
and so confused,
but he doesn't know,
what he should do.

He's never learned.
He's never been taught.
How can you teach,
the totaly untaught?

He's a man who's confused,
who knows he's confused,
which makes him more confused,
because he can't figure out how to be unconfused!

If I could go back in time,
I'd take this little boy,
hold him in my arms,
show him love,
and fill his joy.

But I can't do that,
so I must take what I know,
and try to teach the man,
that the little boy should let his tears show.

Laura Widlacki
April 7, 1986
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I UNDERSTOOD- I Understand Part 2

I understood the boy,
when he came to me and cried.
I understood his love,
and felt the tears inside.

The boy and the man,
I felt his pride and pain.
I felt the joy shattered,
and the love replaced with shame.

I dug deep within,
to find the beautiful soul.
I tried to enter the mind,
smother black,
like coal.

I tried to replace,
the long lost love,
tried to make it true,
and raise it up above.

I tried to give him love,
tried to show my cares,
tried to show him comfort,
lost within the years.

I understood and I tired,
but I did not succeed,
because that little boy,
didn't understand me.

Laura Widlacki
April 8, 1987