The Pastor's Mother and the Usher

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired."No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good," he answered.







Warning: Very Bad Pun Inside

A pastor who was badly overworked went to the local medical center and was able to have a clone made. The clone was like the pastor in every respect--except that the clone used extraordinarily foul language. The cloned pastor was exceptionally gifted in many other areas of pastoral work, but finally the complaints about the dirty language were too much.The pastor was not too sure how to get rid of the clone so that it wouldn't look like murder. The best thing, he decided, was to make the clone's death look like an accident. So the pastor lured the clone onto a bridge in the middle of the night and pushed the clone off the bridge.

Unfortunately there was a police officer who happened by at that very moment and arrested the pastor for making an obscene clone fall.





Show-and-Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."





My Indian Name



A young Indian boy came back to the reservation for a
family visit after his first year at college. When his dad asked him
about his first year at school, he said: I'm having trouble with
people making fun of me, especially my Indian name. How did you come
to give your children such odd names"? His father said: "When your
brother was born, I looked out the teepee and I saw an eagle flying so
I named him Little Eagle and when your sister was born, I looked out
the teepee and saw a deer grazing, so I named her spotted fawn. Why do
you ask, Two Dogs F*cking"?





Tombstone Epitaph

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.