Drunk and looking for a tree...............

My only hope is that someone will read this or knows someone that this confession could help.....

There was a period in my life where I would close bars and then start looking for a tree to run into. I was so unhappy and had so much burden and luggage that was literally killing me.

Then a total stranger stepped in for some reason and said I was a sick person. This stranger was a dry AA member and they were telling me I was sick, get a life, I have no problems your the one with problems. OK! I was chasing a skirt and she was the stranger. She told me that I needed to understand her problem and mine before she would date me. Boy is this going to be easy, then touch down time.......

All I had to do is attend 2 -3 meetings and one session with her therapist. Lets get it on times a wasting. The meetings were a breeze just nod your head and go yea yea a few times. Like stealing candy from a baby. Then crap hit the fan.

I feel that the service paid for a good college education and now I get to use it on a shrink. Oh my God it's a woman, that's OK I can handle this. Very polite and warm greeting into her web I slowly stepped. Your friend told me about you and I agreed to meet you just once she said, are we on the same page? She asked with a smile. After about an hour she said it seems to her that I have all the answers and she won't be able to help me, however since I did take a few courses of physic would I read a book and let her know what I thought of it for her group class. Sure I said. Handing me the book I looked at the title “ Prisoners of Childhood.” Strange name for a group class.

Let's get back to “Drunk and looking for a tree.”

The reason I didn't plow a tree is because I had this recurring dream. I was going to be a hero and do something wonderful for mankind.

The Dream:

I would be driving along a deserted highway and crossing a bridge. Then see this approaching school bus head my way. For some reason this school bus, packed with children, swerved right and through the guard rails into the river. I t was sinking fast and no one was getting out. Without thinking I dived in to a open window and pulled one child out at a time, going back and forth about 5 -6 times. Then on the next dive a had a heart attack and died.

The Moral:

I would gladly give my life to save children and hope that maybe one would go on in life and find and discover a benefit for every one.

Back to this book.

I started to read the book and ho hum it was boring until the chapter on “In Search of the True Self.”

This author Alice Miller had me followed most of life. I couldn't believe it. She wrote all about my dream and the moral too. I've been bushed whacked by a therapist.

Well long story short as I can make it. I was a sick person. I had been sexually molested by a mother I loved, beaten by a father that didn't want children, almost killed in a war I didn't understand, lost 12 brave men, stabbed by my first because of a stupid dare, and looking for a tree, closed bars looking for drinking buddies, and never trusted women. Ruined a good marriage because of a woman that treated me to good.

After the 12 steps I went back to seek forgiveness for the pain I had inflicted. Oh yes, found a different street to walk down.

The stranger the bush whacker and ACA saved my life.

Now I'm bloging and pouring my heart out. I have met some great people on here and some that I tolerate. The best part is I love everyone that stops by no matter what.

PS: I know there are times when others thought of a tree or some thing of that nature. Pass it one more time for me and give life another chance.

Thank you for listening to a survivor.

God Bless