As I said before, been a victim of things beyond my control. In younger days, was made to believe I was fat and therefore stupid (neither one true, now i understand). Strange, for a guy, to relate to media images of beauty; tho never (before) overweight - am now. Did I live to others' expectations? Just what is it that I plan to prove? Only recently did I see. Tho, not a "model beauty", am beautiful in different ways. It is my own dream to mold and shape my own body to what I want to be. Never was the "fat" kid I was led to believe; but in recent times allowed my self to become what others perceived me to be. Finding now the energy to say "f"-U. So, I struggle, to loose the fat, and build the muscles. All the while - a door mat - COURT ORDERED, PLAY NICE; 6 MONTHS TO GO, if told to stop and lay down - must comply. Smile while others wipe their feet upon me. But in the meantime, in the quiet sanctuary of MY home, I can shape my body as I wish - nothing left to loose. Silently i direct the sun-downing confused. and plan to direct my own body shape. To loose the "Buddha Belly", and find my own strength.1 part vanity, 1 part revenge, 1 part common sense. Time will tell if I live up to my new standards, but time is now on my side. a leader in confusion -land; only time will tell if I can complete this self-imposed task, to loose the fat and develop a muscled frame; All the while - to exercise the minds and bodies of my elderly confused, and younger staff. Believing now in self,a big task to complete...