The Women's Names

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity.

Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.

Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.

Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.

Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.

Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.

Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend.

Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows.

Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.

Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'.

Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.

Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.

Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers

Anastasia - overly-loud, wears clothes 2 sizes too small.

Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.

Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy.

Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.

Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.

Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.

Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!.

Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.

Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly

formed breasts Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.

Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs.

Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way.

Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.

Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up

Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.

Becky - one of the boys, knows about football and cars, unusually tall.

Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.

Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.

Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.

Bettina - Dominatrix.

Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.

Bianca - Ginger. big mouth.

Birgit - big scarey woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.

Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.

Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.

Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.

Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.

Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying.

Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.

Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.

Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.

Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.

Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.

Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.

Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.

Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.

Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.

Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.

Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.

Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.

Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.

Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.

Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.

Claire/Clare/Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.

Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons.

Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.

Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.

Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.

Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.

Debra/Debby - Porn star.

Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.

Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.

DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.

Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.

Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn't like giving it.

Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.

Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.

Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.

Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.

Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. average breasts.. likes sharp edges.

Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.

Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.

Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten.

Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.

Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.

Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.

Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.

Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.

Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!

Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.

Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.

Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.

Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.

Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.

Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.

Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.

Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.

Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.

Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.

Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it

Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!

Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing.

Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues.

Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.

Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.

Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can't pull the girls.

Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!

Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.

Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.

Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.

Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.

Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.

Georgina - Wants to be a man.

Grace - petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.

Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.

Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.

Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.

Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.

Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.

Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.

Helen - Hangs around with the wrong rowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.

Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.

Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.

Hilary - Frigid.

Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.

Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.

Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.

Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.

Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.

Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody??

Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.

Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.

Jane - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.

Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.

Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.

Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.

Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff.

Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.

Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.

Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often, flashes her minge a lot.

Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.

Joanna - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can't cook.

Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.

Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so!

Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.

Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.

Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman!

Judith - Big eyes, big tits, big problem with ballance.

Judy - Huge tits, married to a retard.

Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes

Juliet - Eats too many chips, has mybloggers hair and a hairy arse.

Justine - Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.

Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.

Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.

Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.

Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.

Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.

Katy - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.

Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.

Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)

Kay - Big boobs and frizzy hair, a bit mental.

Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin.

Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.

Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly.

Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.

Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.

Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.

Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.

Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.

Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.

Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.

Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.

Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.

Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely arse.

Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.

Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.

Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix

Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.

Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.

Leanne - eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.

Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.

Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing.

Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.

Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.

Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone.

Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.

Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.

Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.

Liz - Long legged and brainy.

Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.

Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies

Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.

Louise/a - Likes to get around, tart

Luci - cute and loveable

Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.

Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.

Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.

Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.

Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad.

Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.

Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.

Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.

Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.

Maria - Bangs like a barn door.

Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.

Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.

Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.

Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.

Martina - Ugly lesbian.

Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.

Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.

Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.

Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.

Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.

Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.

Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.

Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected.

Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.

Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.

Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.

Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.

Marsha - Big butt, small brain.

Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.

Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.

Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her.

Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.

Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners.

Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.

Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.

Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.

Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.

Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.

Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.

Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.

Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.

Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.

Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.

Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.

Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.

Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.

Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.

Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..

Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.

Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.

Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow.

Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.

Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.

Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.

Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.

Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.

Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.

Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.

Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame.

Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.

Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed.

Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.

Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.

Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.

Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.

Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.

Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.

Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.

Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.

Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.

Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first.

Rula - She measures up well.

Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.

Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.

Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.

Samantha - Loves hate relationship with her brother, a wild child, seeking multiple orgasms

Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.

Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.

Sarah - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW.

Sasha - Looks dreadful the morning after. Smokes cigars

Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.

Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.

Sharon - The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets.

Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.

Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.

Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.

Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.

Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.

Sinead - Wears big..

Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.

Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.

Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.

Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.

Sonya - intelligent, funny and very talented when it comes to the naughty stuff.

Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country.

Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl.

Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.

Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.

Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny!

Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.

Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.

Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.

Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.

Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.

Tanya - Hot minx, too short.

Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys ranom chemicals.

Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.

Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.

Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.

Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.

Tracey - Lesbian.

Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.

Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are.

Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.

Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy bitch.

Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't!

Vicki - Likes Yoga. And Women.

Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it.

Wendy - Possibly a man.

Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.

Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.