Tammy

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Username:: oceanspartner
Name:: Tammy
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Life & Events > Where Do You Draw the Line?

Where Do You Draw the Line?

So here's my question...

If you were in a past relationship, lets say around 10 years ago, and are in a healthy one now (or perhaps married), what are the basic "rules" in keeping in touch with the so called ex? Still have a frienship? Go out to dinner (with or without your spouse?)

I knowthis is subjective and there are many perimeters or factors that could influence your decision, but lets just say that you trust eachother and are now finally happy.

What are your experiences?

posted on May 5, 2008 4:28 PM ()

Comments:

yup, definitely discuss it with your current partner

Just mention it in a casual way and present it in a way where he knows he doesn't need to feel threatened by this guy. Trust and communication are the keys

comment by firststarisee on May 19, 2008 7:27 PM ()

My opinion? Frankly, it's something you and your current companion should discuss and agree upon and stick to. He/she is the one that really matters now.

comment by jerms on May 10, 2008 9:18 PM ()

My hubby and I have many separate friends--he's in real estate and I taught for many years. I have never experienced the situation that you described, for there are none of the ex's that I would go to dinner with. We do speak and have conversations occasionallly but that is the extent of it. I think that it would depend on your partner.

comment by angiedw on May 6, 2008 8:40 AM ()

I don't stay in touch. I can't even remember my last relationships very well after 28 with my hubby. I know that my hubby would not accept me EVER going out with an ex, but curiously a situation happened a couple of years ago in the reverse. His ex and her husband came to FL and we went out with them. I really like them, but I couldn't help but sit there thinking about how she was an ex, you know. I knew that he had been with her even though it was years and years ago. WEird huh, even after 28 years still had those pangs

comment by teacherwoman on May 6, 2008 8:39 AM ()

it's really not a dilemma for me. My partner is the best and understands it was 20 years ago and only lasted for 1 year. That was soooo long ago. I don't even know who that woman (who used to be me) was anymore. I have so grown up and am now in a mature 13 year relationship with trust, love and devotion. I was posting this as what others think. Sometimes when my partner brings this up to others, they say...I wouldn't allow that. Or I'd be jealous aren't you? Just wondering what others think

comment by oceanspartner on May 6, 2008 5:48 AM ()

This is indeed a dilemma. It's hard to say. I've only been in one relationship (with my husband). I don't really know what I would do. Sorry.

comment by sunlight on May 5, 2008 11:53 PM ()

My situation doesn't quite fit this model, but I agree--it's subjective. From that point of view, this really comes down to what works for the specific people involved. Some are more capable than others of keeping the past in the present. Personally, it's something I don't do.

comment by jjoohhnn on May 5, 2008 4:37 PM ()

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Where Do You Draw the Line?