Mark

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Mark
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Entertainment > Humor > This Bell Tolled for Me
 

This Bell Tolled for Me

I had Bell's Palsy several years ago when I was much younger...actually a lot younger. I was still an embryo in my mother's womb. Bell's Palsy for those not familiar with it is a temporary facial paralysis from damage or trauma to one of the two facial nerves. My face drooped on the right side. I couldn't raise my right eye brow without touching it, made more difficult as my fingers hadn't developed yet. I couldn't blink my right eye .It had to be lubricated with drops from my yet undeveloped tear ducts. I was a mess.

I was so embarrassed about how I looked. I felt every zygote, every ova, every spermatazoa that floated by me in the womb were staring at me. White corpuscles near me turned red with laughter. A partially dissolved misplaced undigested cocoa puff was going cookoo looking at me. Similarly, a fruit loop was doing cartwheels around my face and a decaying chicklet chuckled as it floated by in a current of endoplasmic reticulum.

I was way too young for any kind of surgeon or pre-neonatal doctor to remedy my grotesque situation. Even acupuncture and physical therapy which often helps Bell's Palsy sufferers was out of the question . Steroids and anti-inflammatory drugs my mother was not allowed to take as I was still an embryo and electrical stimulation to my facial nerves was considered by physicians to be too dangerous to try in my youthful stage of life.

Thankfully, I am almost 100% better today. There's a very slight difference between my right and left eyes that I'm aware of but nobody else would notice. After I was born, keeping my right eye moist and facial massages improved my condition rapidly. I would say I'm totally cured now even though I use my wife's Oil Of Olay on my face and Revlon face masks every day. I also have an extreme fondness for eye candy.

posted on Nov 23, 2018 8:23 AM ()

Comments:

Perhaps a pre natal condition fostered my present love of bling!! Thanks for an informative article.
comment by elderjane on Nov 24, 2018 4:57 AM ()

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