Snowmen fall from the sky, unassembled
********
How long a minute is,
Depends on which side of the
bathroom door you are on
********
Every day I beat my own previous record
for the number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive
*********
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect.
Therefore I am perfect
********
I love being married. It's great to find
that one special person you want to annoy
for the rest of your life.
**********
If life deals you a lemon,
Make lemonade.
**********
The most precious thing we have is life,
yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
*********
I don't approve of political jokes,
I've seen too many of them get elected.
**********
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport "Terminal?"
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Money can't buy happiness, but it sure
makes misery easier to live with.
***********
Sign in Chinese pet store-
Buy one dog, get one free flea.
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I live in my own little world, but thats alright,
everyone knows me here!