Porkies
I called the Swine Flu hotline * all I got was crackling

I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.
Another is that you get the trotts.
But, I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?
The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about
a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.
The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of
oinkment.

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.

Swine flu, however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all going to be cured anyway.

Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.

I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the
world". Well it*s a good thing I*m married then, isn*t it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamdemic, don't believe the spam you're
getting.



HOT NEWS



His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.

Finally he stammered, 'So, wh wh what y y y you're t t t t telling me is .... y y y you're NOT m m m m my flight instructor?'