I usually don' do much for New Years, and this New Years was a depressing one. Well, exciting and depressing. I graduate, turn 18, and watch all my friends go their separate ways. Pretty depressing to think about right now. Happy 2009 by the way.
While many were heard drinking and shooting off fireworks, I sat and watched the new Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Dear Harrison Ford, it took them 15 years to get you to do this movie, you really shouldn't have done it. You think in those 15 years they would maybe make it really really good. No. It sucked. Giant crystallized fire ant ass.(You would have to watch the movie to get that) I'm not usually the one to go after movies like this. It's either "Eh i liked it" or "it sucked" This movie was so full of suckage I decided to blog about it. You, Spielberg, Harrison Ford, and the rest of the directors/cast wasted my last two hours of 2008. Let's recap some of your main points.

1.Apparently if a nuclear explosion were to hit Harrison Ford has the solution. He jumps into a lead based refrigerator...of course seconds before this explosion occurs. Then what happens? Well the fridge flies about a mile before landing, and there pops out Harrison Ford, unhurt. WTF???!?


2.Later on the really weird Russian chick and Harrison's son are fighting for the possession of the skull on cars. These cars are going about 60mph in the forest. Now both of them are standing upright having a sword fight between two cars going 60mph. Also note these cars are in the forest/jungle and haven't crashed into anything at all. Then the son, Shia LaBeouf , straddles the two cars going 60mph and continues the fight.


3.The monkeys. Oh.My.God. So somewhere on this car chase through the jungle/forest Shia there gets caught up in a vine and the cars speed off leaving poor Shia all alone. But wait! There are monkeys in the vine, and they magically teach Shia how to swing from branches. So of course because it only makes sense, he catches up to the two cars, swinging from branches. Man, those are some fucking talented monkeys!

4.The Fire ant Repellent. After this chase is done the Russian almost gets her chance to shoot Harrison, but wait! A Fire ant pops into the scene and bites her hand, making her drop her gun. Run Ford, run! So Harrison makes a break for it, exclaiming, "run for the river!" While he holds off some Russians the crazy man holding the skull repels the crazy ants with the crystal skull! Now isn't that nifty? A fire ant repelling Crystal Alien skull!


5.The three waterfalls. Harrison’s hottie runs the vehicle with all of them in it off of the cliff using a tree from what I saw of it. The tree then swings back, hitting four Russian men, subsequently leading them to their untimely demise, 5 points for Harrison’s Hottie! The group land in the waters below, completely unharmed. They then descend three waterfalls in this vehicle, once again completely unharmed. Even Shia’s wounds from the previous Russian sword fight are all healed up! Wowzer. While they continue their journey the Russians somehow, without a vehicle, also make it down the three waterfalls and reach the bottom completely dry! I should buy me some Russian clothes!

6.After placing the skull back the Russian is eager to learn all it knows. Apparently the knowledge is so vast it makes her eyes burn out and vaporizes her to hell knows where. I can tell you it’s not a new movie set!

7.After the group then escapes the Alien space craft Harrison watches as it takes off. Tons of rock debris fly everywhere. Huge freaking boulders. Are any of them hit with any of it? Well of course not! Then there is a short cuddling session before they arrive home just in time to get wed.

Awwww, isn’t that just the perfect ending to this story?
The freaking perfect ending to all of their careers is more like it!
That’s right Harrison Ford! You may be sexy but your movie sucked ass!