i don't know where i am going to go with this article, but i feel the need to write it.

i was controled for many years in my first marriage. i vowed that no one would ever control my life again. and i don't think they have. i do what i want when i want. maybe this sounds like i am just a biatch. maybe i should explain alittle. i got married almost a years ago. we don't go out. we don't have any mutual friends around here. i work with a girl at work and we are getting to be good friends. we go out after work and i know my husband don't like it, its not like we are going bar hopping or anything like that. we go to the bowling ally and play the nickel video lottery machines. i am not spending his money. i make my own and he has his own. i pay my share of the bills plus some i brought in the the marriage and get what is needed for the house. so it is not like i am out wasteing all my money and takeing from my family. also i have told him many time to go over to a friend of his and he won't. i think it is because i will not go with him there. i don't like the guy. and him and lloyd both know it. he told lloyd the only reason i was with him was for his money. fudge what money. he has none. if you want me to be honest i have more than him and don't need his. i am not bragging but it is true. also he told me that if your in a abusive relationship (physically or mentally) all you have to do is walk away. well it is not that easy, when you have no money and kids you have to think about to. he also told my daughter that she was not abused and she was. when my ex figured out he wasn't going to abuse me anymore he started abusing my daughter and that was the end and we divorced. he thought iwas wrong there there to.

i told you i didn't know where this blog was going to go. i still don't. just saying what is on my mind tonight i guess.

work is not going well right now. yes i am getting in alot of hours but money is not everything. me and another gal were pretty much called theives yesterday. it is always the night shift that does everything wrong and if money is missing it is blamed on the night shift. it is BS everybody is in the change drawer and the lottery bag all day. well the last few days both bags have been coming up short when we count it at night. well i can tell you it is not me. there is know amount of money in the world worth going to jail for and losing my family.

lloyd is not happy with me working there either. we got into it the other night because i work almost ever weekend. he told he was getting tired of sitting home babysitting every weekend. BABYSITTING these are his kids to. to damm bad you have to watch your own kids. i asked himif he wanted me to go back to the motel and work 3 hours a day and he didn't answer me. it's not going to happen guarenteed. tell me if i am wrong in my thinking. i asked him to go to days he wouldn't. to much of a pay cut. he also gets mad cause i can't just take off whenever he wants me to. he is upset right now cause his neice gets baptised next weekend and i can't get off to go. well sorry another girl asked for the weekend off before i did. i told to go. his mom aunt and other neices will be there and i know they will help him with the twins. but i don't think he will and will blame it on me and my job. my dads 75th b-day is the weekend after that i suppose it is really going to piss him off if i get that day off. i think he is just used to being a bachular and taking off and doing what he wants on his days off. well sorry hun you have a wife and familly now. things are not the same as they were.

any way i think i am done complaining now.

take care all and sorry to bore you
love butterfly