Big exhale ....

I work part-time on a gameshow called MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE. It's a local show for the California Lottery. The goal is to make this show national and incorporate other states' lotteries into this show. It's a great idea. I have faith it'll happen.

There is a Post Supervisor I work with who is very nice and good at what he does. He dresses like a toddler, but that neither here nor there. It does, however, affect how I look at him. I look at him more like a teenager running a college tv station than as a Post Supervisor.

Yesterday, I came into work before my 12noon calltime. I abhor being called late for edit sessions. We only have so much time in the edit bay (an uncomfortable, non-creative space ... where we are continually being bombarded with "can you turn that down? i'm trying to work" from adjacent cubicles). I'm continually under the gun to get episodes out and correct, only to be changed by the Post Super and Editor once I've done my work. Ick, I'm rambling.

Here's my point. Yesterday, I got a late call time I didn't like ... and then I sat around for 2 hours watching my sands in the hourglass disappear as another show needed our edit bay. It's all fine and dandy, but there's no where for me to sit if it's not in the edit bay. There's nothing for me to do aside wait ... and I didn't bring my latest script or my latest audition piece with me to keep my mind active. It was frustrating. If I can't work, I'm like a border collie without anything to herd. I get frustrated.

I'm not paid a lot. But I love to work. I love it! I love figuring things out and feeling complete at the end of a work day. I've created a part-time position that started out as a 2day hire. I feel very lucky to be here.

But today. Today is not a fun time to be here. The Post Super is giving me massive cold shoulder. He's a flirtly little guy with usually a sunny disposition. Not with me today. Not at all.

So, I asked him if I could clear the air. If I could apologize for being cranky yesterday. He did the "I'm not going to look at you and keep working like you aren't talking to me" body language. I repeated myself into which he just looked at his tapes and said "I"m just tying to work. I don't know what you are talking about."

I closed with "Hey, if there's anything I need to do to clear the air, I'm willing to do it. Just tell me." And he left in a hurry.

Not much more I can do.

Interestingly enough, I work with people (and am 'friends' with people) who have no problem telling me when they are upset, angry, don't like my work or what my flaws are ... but if I don't just keep smiling through it all, boy, do I get more finger pointing into my additional flaws. And when I retort back what's going on from my side, all I get is a "mmmmhum" and general "i'm not listening to you" head nodding.

What sucks even more is that the Production Manager is calling me out on my cranky behavior over not having edit bay on time yesterday. I apologized yesterday for that. Do I really need to keep groveling? Apparently so. And still, I'm in the doghouse.

Seems to me something else is going on, and I'm being used as scapegoat. The energy in this place is very heavy. VERY HEAVY. And I didn't cause it.

Pushing out the jive and bringing in the love.
Pushing out the jive and bringing in the love.

All will work out right. Hopefully, this afternoon, the Post Super will forgive whatever it is I did to make him so bent. And then, we can just work easy.

Thinking good thoughts. Manifesting joy. Keeping my Happy happy.

L8r