New York City drivers had better be obeying traffic laws and driver restrictions. Mayor De Blasio is cracking down on offenders with an elite vigilante police force with the mindset of shooting first and asking questions later. The Mayor wants to put an end to this epidemic of rampant disregard of violating driving rules and regulations to safeguard the citizens of his honor's great city. Violators will not be tolerated anymore.
Effective immediately, "The Fast and Furious" offenders will be charged with felony. Drivers will now be stopped and charged with a misdemeanor for DWY (driving while yodeling). "This is New York City, not the Swiss Alps", the Mayor was quoted. In addition, drivers will be fined and subject to arrest and strip searched if found guilty for DWB (driving while masturbating), DWS, (driving while shaving), DWF,(driving while farting or fornicating), and this most heinous off all violations, DWLTA, (driving while listening to Adele.)
Driving Miss Daisy, Miss Doubtfire, Miss Anthrope, or Miss Carry in other than designated Misogynic lanes will result in immediate arrest and confiscation of the driver's car or limousine. Because Mayor De Blasio wants all New Yorkers and visitors to experience the heart and soul of New York City, any driver with three or more occupants who does not stop if passing Sylvia's Restaurant in Harlem for chicken and waffles will have their license suspended for a year. The same holds true for passing Nathan's in Coney Island, Brooklyn without stopping for a hot dog and fries or for ices at the Lemon Ice King in Corona, Queens without ordering one of their delicious treats. The Mayor reminds us that driving in New York City is a privilege. If you can't abide by its laws,he urges residents to move to New Joisy.