Watched "CNN's Heroes"; honestly was was touched and inspired. I grew up relatively financially poor, but received the best private education in town thanks to the generosity of the Catholic/Jesuit church. As part of that education, community service was mandatory - with increasing amounts of hours required each year (absolutely mandatory, no advancement to next grade unless com. serv. was completed). 1 yr I "kinda cheated", applied some babysitting duties of my nieces and yard maintenance of sis' house as "com. serv."; at the time was working 2 part-time jobs to help pay the bills, was an honor-roll student, while fulfilling family obligations. OK, so I cheated; but in the given circumstances, (and I was just a teen-ager), then it seemed - not enough time in the day to do everything. Point being, i forevermore have felt guilty for cheating (damn Catholic Guilt!). Fast forward many years; step-son gets in legal trouble (court sys could care less about "step-dad", dismissed as non-relevant?, only cared about the "biological" parents). My plan was to have him do com. serv. prior to court appearance, accompanied by myself. Good intentions fell flat, I ended up wrking twice as hard just to cover up his "who gives a shit" attitude; and the (now ex-)wife to this day blames me..? I tried and failed again - so it seems to me. Fast forward, divorce his mom and he proceeds to rob me blind (as if alimony wasn't bad enough!). Fast forward, divorced and alone, still feeling guilty about cheating on com. serv. Funny, just how often strangers come up to me asking for help..a ride here, a buck here, ect. Keep telling them ,yes- I'll help - just pay it forward, and help the stranger u meet in need. Am I a fool? Why do I still believe in humanity's good will? At least with strangers, will never see if they do in fact pay it forward; wont see the disappointment if they don't. A few yrs ago, made a challenge to blogging community to match, hr-per-hr, com. serv., no takers, disappointed. I still every now-n-then help out a stranger and only ask: pay it forward. Is it my catholic guilt, or have I redeemed myself for a slight cheat? Watched "CNN's Heroes" and still I find myself lacking in giving to the community. Perhaps too long lost in the dark hole of depression, seeing life now for what it is, perhaps seeing what can be. Not looking for accolades, just wondering, what hero can I be? Opinions welcomed.