Its been a while, my lover decided to take a break from our relationship.
All seemed so good, so nice, so full of love and respect, and just in few days all fell apart.He came one night and told me that he has some rough time lately and i've been all ears, like every time in the past, when he wanted me to help him just by listening or giving him advice.
We had a real open relationship (not in sexual way - but full of trust, understanding, all problems we had we've solved 'em right away, by talks, some tears, and always with a hug and a made up kiss...)
I was prepared to listen about job problems, financial problems, family , friends...and he mentioned all those things, and how unhappy and lost he feels, empty in all fields of life...And when he said "all fields of life" cold shadow covered my heart.
I hardly took the courage to ask him "all?...including our relationship?"..and he said "yes...that too" For me that was like end of the world.I felt like i was dying there...
...After first shock, which lasted for few days i called him
and we had that "normal - adult conversation"...Among all other problems he mentioned that he started to wonder am i the man that he want to grow old with?" ( i must say that he is younger than me and i am his first real guy.We are togeher almost 5 years now.Never had another guy, except me, while we were together."Sex was great" - his words.But he started to ask himself in just 5 days am I the one? Several times lately i asked him does he wants to try something new, someone new, maybe some threesome, and his answer was that he affraids of that - "What if I like that other thing more?What if you like that other thing more?", so we agreed that its ok this way.I love him very much and i would do anything, even a threesome, just to keep him beside me to keep our love alive)
...I was listening him very carefully, even his honest talk hurted me so bad....he continued "I was the other day with that friend of mine on his blind date ( i know that guy - not his type of man)..and i was looking how they have flirted with each other, and i started to feel a bit jealous on them, cos i can't have that, cos i have you, have our love, our relationship"...he continued "and i started to feel like i need some time off, to feel free, to reconsider my desires, my life, my love for you.....is it just a habbit or is it a real love?"
I must say, and God is my witness, that ive never kept him locked.I always let him go wherever he wants to go with his friends, on parties, on concerts, etc, etc....He even was abroad for one year...and we stayed together.
My problem is that i dont like techno parties, so i rather stay at home, and he can go there, cos i know he likes that very much.
He said that he always wanted me there on those parties, to be with him, to have some fun, to be togehter and happy.
I must say that we go out, lately, after he got back from Italy, we go out a lot, on other places (gay clubs, etc...), and ive done it mostly for him, to keep him happy...
And to cut long story short he had only one thing oh his mind, and i couldnt say anything but to accapet it....he said "give me one month to find what i really want.No calls, no time together, I need time off, to realise do i really love you or not"....so with very much deal of pain i agreed....Its 5th day now without him, without news, without anything, but with fear, heartache and worry...
So, somebody tell me.....where did i go wrong?What happened? am I a fool? what do u think about it all? i'd really appreciate some honest opinion.
If someone have to say something like "uve deserved that filthy faggot", dont pls, there are a lot other places where u can release your anger.
And excuse my english...its not my mother languege.
Thanx a lot anyway;)