OK - so this isn't so special. I apologize. Life, work and so many other things seem to get in the way.

While driving for 7 hours to Arizona I pondered this year's VD Special...and could only come up with how much self doubt I seem to be suffering as of late.

I would like to note that I have not been suffering self doubt in work or my abilities at work in anyway. I've actually be enjoying a re-birth in that area of my world. But my sense of self as a woman and a sexual being have been in the shit-hole for weeks. And all because I work with a lot of cute boys....OK, 1 in particular. In fact he's sitting in front of my desk talking with our co-workers as I type...oh, the torture!

I've been doubting myself in this manner because I know (or at least believe) that the attraction is one-sided. And that has brought on the "if only I was more ______. "

I've been torturing myself on my hour-long commutes home most days....AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG! It's pissing me off to say the least as I know my mind is W R O N G in this area, but I feel it none the less.

It fucking sucks!!