OK peeps! As promised her is the latest writing assignment. I'm not completely happy with the final result, but it's not half bad....

Enjoy

The Evolution of Beauty.

OR

Do I Really Need To Shave Today?

The morning started out late, which left me mentally calculating how much time I had to get ready for work without being late. A mathematical dilemma many women struggle with in their daily beautification processes.

A simple shower without shaving would keep things to a quick and easy 10-15 minutes. To shower AND shave would extend things to 20 minutes at least. With this equation firmly in my mind I did a quick physical inspection.

Hmmm…my legs were dry & ashy with a nice spiky growth along the shins - a clear sign of neglect. As for my armpits, let’s just say I was surprised I wasn’t making monkey noises as my inner gorilla was really starting to shine through. Therefore a 20-minute shower it was to be!

As I loofahed my skin smooth and lathered up my legs I spied another major issue: I was in serious need of a waxing!! If the state of my armpits had not been a clear enough indicator to the level of my de-evolution, the amount of “hair down there” was more than enough to alert me!

“Damn it! When did all of this sheep-like shearing become so necessary!?” I thought. They don’t do this crap in Europe! And, if my brain for history serves me correctly, the only women of 18th & 19th century France that shaved were prostitutes! And that was done to prevent the spreading of lice! WOW! There’s a thought to make you feel sexy! “Gotta shave this morning so I don’t get lice!”

Then there’s the waxing! A painful enough process in thought as it is in reality! And for what!? I’m a 35-year-old woman, who’s not getting any younger. Granted the “age defying” routines have started to bleed their way into my daily life. But is it really necessary to try and turn back the clock by paying some woman (who’s NOT a medical professional by the way) good money to inspect my nether regions, dowse it with hot wax and RIIIIP all the hair out just to look like a pre-pubescent girl? NAY! I think not! Who’s the ad wizard who thought up this bullshit anyway?

“FUCK THIS!” I screamed in the steam filled echoy chamber of my shower. “I will NOT shave as an act of feminist defiance! So there!”

But….I had already shaved one leg. And as you all know ladies, when you shave one leg you gotta shave the other. It feels weird when you don’t and the hair grows in unevenly and gets irritating. Belch - whatever. I shaved. Tomorrow was another day to begin my rebellion!

Irritated that I was now uber late for work as the result of unnatural and unnecessary coifing, I made the long schlep to work. Upon arrival I parked my car and began walking across the lot. I then noticed 2 stage grips giving me the once over as I walked by.

I smiled sweetly in their direction, “Good morning gentlemen, “ I cooed.

One of them raised his coffee in salute. Gave me another long slow inspection, “oh, it’s good alright!” He quipped back and I laughed. I laughed knowing that as he conducted his inspection, pondering the possibilities underneath, I perfectly soft and silky and smooth. I was lotioned and I was potioned. I was perfumed. I was powdered. And I felt pretty.

Shit…a slow sigh of acknowledgment escaped me as I faced that one basic simple fact; I. Felt. Pretty. And they could tell! Damn those boys and their ability to stare me into a sexy sense of awareness! And damn those sexy little secrets under all our clothes!

Reaching into my bag I grabbed my cell phone. I called the Belle Visage Spa on Ventura and scheduled a play-kini wax with Amanda.

I’ll be seeing her next Saturday at 2…