I don't know why.

I suppose boredom would be the primary reason. The corporation who gobbled up the little internet company I worked for continues to pay me pretty well to show up here every day even though I honestly don't do a whole hell of a lot anymore.

I'm in sales, and I've built such an impressive empire of clients that I can live off of my residual earnings alone. It's not a bad gig, so long as I can keep "selling" the powers that be the fact that it's just a rough month for new sales.

The biggest drag about this job is, all of my fellow salespeople (save one, who would drive a nun to a junk habit) quit or were transferred to D.C. when "Supercorp" took over.

So basically I sit here every day for about 8 hours (minus the standard 2 hour lunch) with this irritating woman, and my former bosses who don't give a damn how I spend my day. I do have an actual boss to report to, but he's so busy trying to put out fires (that he inadvertently started) that he's never here, and is usually far too busy to notice me.

I can usually kill most of the morning screwing around on the web. ESPN, cleveland.com, and the wacky news on Drudge typically burns through about an hour or so.

Then I'll walk over to the newsstand and bullshit with the probable alcoholic who owns it about when we think Roethlisberger will lay down his Harley in a Butler county ditch, having to pull pieces of shattered Rolling Rock bottle out of his eyes. He thinks after they lose to the Pats again, I think Week 4.

After that, I can usually fit in a quick nap. I have a really comfortable chair, and listening to my fellow Clevelanders call in to Brinda to talk about how they saw Zydrunas Ilgauskis drinking in the Warehouse District is better than Ambien.

When I wake up, it's usually a good time to go talk to the smokers and watch the mall being torn down. While I've got a great view of the action from my office window, it's much better to watch it outside where you can truly feel the impact of the wrecking crew, despite the trace asbestos particles I may be inhaling.

I usually go home for lunch now, since the only other employee I could go with is Barbra Streisand's ugly sister. When I get home, my girlfriend is usually still in bed. So I watch the encore Cold Pizza or play some Madden '06. (Enjoy the curse, D-Mac.)

After I've seen the top ten plays on SC, I know it's probably time to go back to the office and hang out. I've been going to McDonald's for lunch lately, since it's on the right side of the road on my way back. The new chicken sandwiches there aren't all that awful, and I haven't seen Super-Size Me, so please be quiet and let me enjoy my lunch.

The afternoon is by far the slowest part of the day. Proof of this is my 12 (yes, TWELVE) fantasy football teams on four different websites. The Rocky River Red Eyes, Strongsville Steroids and the Boston Beans are by far the most impressive lineups I've ever assembled, yet two of the three lost in their first week. I knew it was morally wrong for me to pick the Ravens as my team D.

Between that and playing Hold 'em at pokerroom.com, I've been able to keep this well paying, mind numbing quasi-career months after I should have lost my mind and walked out.

So anyway, here I am. I guess this is why I blog. Thanks for your time, I hope I was able to help kill some of your boring day.

Sincerely,

Shorts, sandals and spare time.