Suggestion Box

I am in charge of maintaining our Department's Suggestion Box.
I naively volunteered with the grande idea of, "making a difference"
The securely locked and reinforced (8"x12"x4") unpainted wood box is located near the Company Cafeteria.
The proximity to the cafeteria has guaranteed that I remove a moldy Tater-Tot from the Box on a weekly basis. The Tot is not so bad, it's the Lasagna I mind. Simply writing on the provided suggestion form; "Please have Lasagna more often" would be sufficient.
A licensed commercial contractor produced the box at a cost of $310. The project took 122 days from start to finish, owing to the avalanche of triplicate paper work that had to be generated, approved, and signed by no less than (5) company officials, including the CFO

I will share with you some of the comments I have removed from the Suggestion Box.

* I have no suggestions but do have comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, and accusations, can you tell me where to stick them?
* To Quote scenes from the movie Apocalypse Now; "Kill them All", "the Horror"
* Insert your Suggestion Box into your Fecal Ejection Port
* I suggest a seat be provided next to my desk for my
imaginary friend
* I suggest Danny in Accounting be required to wear a
Gelding Harness
* I suggest (Anonymous) I be in charge of adjusting said
Gelding Harness
* I suggest the Cafeteria double as a Cock Fighting Arena
* I suggest we be allowed to have Pets in our cubicles - I have a pet Mandrill
* I suggest the water fountain flow free with reconstituted Tapioca
* Dear Suggestion Box, I am the Suggestion Box across the street at the Battery Manufacturing Plant. I have been admiring you for months from afar. How bout we go get a coffee?
* I have introduced a family of Formosan Subterranean Termites into your Box, you will soon be a mere heap of splinters
* Rename the Suggestion Box - the Suggestion Abyss
* From - Gwen Caro-Davies Director of Marketing:
Exchange Student Intern Angelo De La Parte has recently joined the Marketing Department Team. He is spending time with each Department within our Organization.
I have assigned him the responsibility of analyzing Suggestion Box activity. He will be working with you on a daily basis beginning Fourth Quarter. He speaks only his native tongue of Basque. If you have questions or concerns please feel free to contact my Administrative Assistant - Lenora Gesterling
* Please remove the lid from the Suggestion Box so it can be used as a planter
* I live inside the Suggestion Box after hours, I need some tiny furniture, a .000025 ton Air Conditioner, running water (not the Tapioca), full tiny major appliances, and a six-inch tall paramour